BPDFamily.com

I posted back in April, my 22 year old son has not spoken to me since then. Whenever I try to reach out I am shot down in flames. Angry text messages from him have included calling me a b___ whore? I am now preparing for Christmas and wanted advice on whether to try and make contact again or just leave it. I'm pretty sure he will be sitting alone in his place at Christmas and don't know what to do. Any advice?

Hi Daisy67

I am sorry your son has not spoken to you for so long now. I can imagine how hard this must be for you, especially during this holiday season. Whether you decide to contact him again or not, I think you might benefit from some of the communication techniques on this site. We have resources to help you deal with hostile (text/email) communications:

Responding to hostile communications: B.I.F.F. (Brief, Informative, Friendly (as in civil), Firm) (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=133835.0)

Being verbally abused is very unpleasant, not responding to hostile text communications is often best and if you do want to respond, a B.I.F.F. response is advisable.

If you were to contact him, perhaps you could try the S.E.T. (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.0) technique. Are you familiar with this technique? The acronym stands for Support, Empathy and Truth. It's a structured way of communicating which decreases the likelihood of (further) conflict and in doing so also helps keep yourself more calm. S.E.T. is helpful when you want to express yourself and speak your truth to a person with BPD.

I remember from your previous posts that his own doctors believed he likely has BPD. They were not willing to disclose much information to you, but do you know if your son is getting any targeted treatment for his BPD?

Take care

Daisy67

Were you able to find some solace and peace for yourself on Christmas?