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In 2010 things with my family of origin escalated so much that I was forced to go non-contact. I grieved the loss of each family member, and it was a difficult, yet healing time for me. Since then, I've noticed that my sister, who was always the golden child, seems to try to live my life. She goes to the same place that my family and I used to go for vacation, she is raising chickens (we did this after hatching eggs with the kids), her sons name rhymes with my sons name, and on Christmas Eve, I saw her at my church! These are just the things that I've noticed since we are no contact, but I have to wonder what else? This is so weird to me. Why would she do this? Does anyone else have a similar experience?

Hi Hopeful_Mom

This does seem a bit weird indeed. When the two of you were growing up, did your sister at times perhaps also mimic or copy what you were doing?

I can imagine how strange it must have been seeing her at your church. Had she ever before visited your church or was this the first time? Does she usually go to church, not just on Christmas Eve but in general?

I get the impression she's trying to maintain some contact with you, showing approval for your lifestyle by copying it. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

On the other hand, my uBPDm does the chameleon quite a bit--she'll copy hairstyle, clothing, jewelry, interests of people she likes. I think she has so little sense of self and who she is that she will copy those she identifies with... .that week at least. Reminds me of that movie, Single White Female though.

I have experiences like this with both my uBPDmom and uPDbrother. I don't think they do it on purpose to be creepy. IMHO it's something hardwired in their brains and their poor sense of identity.

Even though I'm eight years older than my uPDbrother, he was making contact with my circle of friends when I was in my early 20s (and he was an young teen). He tried, despite his age, to get involved in organizations I was involved in. He also followed my clothing and music choices. I thought maybe he thought he was "being cool" and trying to impress his friends, but this was more than your typical mimicry.

uPDbrother has also copied our sister by riding a motorcycle after she started and buying the same car as her.

What my uBPDmother did when I was in university was beyond the pale. After I chose my major -- a subject which always fascinated me -- my uBPDmother registered as a student and took the same major. She already had an incomplete degree in another area of study (she stopped when she was pregnant with me).

BTW I was the sg and uPDbrother was the gc.

I'll echo busybee1116 and issheBPD-- I've heard that the golden child often struggles with finding a true sense of self, and can sometimes be a chameleon, trying on things that he/she has seen others do to try to form a separate identity. It used to drive me nuts that my golden child brother did a lot of the same things that I did too (played the same sports, bought the same model car, got engaged within a few months of my engagement, honeymooned in the same place, had a kid 10 months to the day after my DS was born).

I do think that my brother struggles with his own identity to some degree, and it's safer for him to take the paved road instead of making his own path. Sometimes I wonder if by taking the harder road if I've done myself a disservice, but at the same time, even though I've struggled at times, the struggles have more often led to better things. I also feel that as the "all-bad" child, I had to do things differently and be true to myself.

Do you think that your sister is trying to figure out who she is?

Thank you ALL for the helpful responses.

Kwamina,

My sister is 7 years younger than I. She did try to copy me a lot as a child, but we are decades past that. My church has multiple campuses. Christmas Eve was at the main campus (where we originally went). We go to a smaller satellite now, so I am not sure if my sister is a member there or not.

Busy Bee, Is She BPD and Geeky Girl

Thank you all for sharing. Glad that I am not alone is this weirdness.