BPDFamily.com

Hi, I am married to BPD/ Bipolar Husband for 8 yrs, one child (a toddler)

I Feel like I need to leave for my child and my peace and our happiness but stuck on my love and concern for what will he be without his family?

I do so much for him emotionally and literally that I know that if I left and he pleaded for help I would not be able to turn my back on him... .that I would go back, unsettling my child after loosing all our assets and start again only to end up where I am now. I know this, I really know this, what is wrong with me?

I need a massive wake up event to happen... and even then, I have accepted so much of what would normally be a deal breaker for me (Verbal abuse. drugs, drinking and Porn) that I'm so afraid that even an affair or physical abuse that that too I would ultimately accept and forgive... Even though I say I would never accept that and I say that I would leave immediately. Would I? I don't know myself anymore... What has happened to me, I thought I was strong, what example am I setting for my beautiful daughter to witness all this fighting and unhappiness? How do I make him see? Can/Will he change? Or at the very least how do I make him hate me and leave so the choice is not up to me... I'm so confused and I'm tired and sometimes genuinely scared.

My life is falling apart, but its not, its perfectly normal when he chooses it to be. Which means one night Im looking up places to lease and planning my exit and the next we are going to dinner together?  Am I going insane? Do I have a disorder am I dramatizing everyday marriage problems?  folie

   Welcome - you are not insane or over reacting!  These are definitely not 'normal' marital problems.  Sadly, all of us here can relate to what you are feeling and going through.  It is certainly hard to deal with the love/hate and push/pull of this type of relationship.  Definitely take some time to read through the articles and 'Lessons' on the right side of this page.  It helps immensely to understand what is happening in your relationship and to know that you can help make things a little bit better.  You cannot change him (or make him see), but you can change your reactions to him.

Keep posting and reading the messages here!  There is an amazing group of nonjudgmental, supportive people here.

Welcome to the board. This is a great place to get support. One thing that is important is to accept is that you cannot change your H behavior but you can change yours. Although your H behavior is not your fault you have been contributing to the way things are, usually by how you react to him. Before you can make anything better, you must stop making it worse.

Start reading the lessons on the right side of this page. This is a great place to start learning about BPD and yourself. These resources have helped me change the way I respond and things are better more often than they are worse.

this rollercoaster effect is what i experience as well which makes us feel and possibly to friends/fam LOOK insane. its hard to remember we are not, we are trying desperatley to make sense of the pwBPDS actions ---i am new to the board and feel quite similar to you. ive been w BPDh only 3 ish years and we have 2 small children both toddlers.