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Title: For men with a BPD Waif - Helps me every time. Post by: groundbreaker on December 28, 2015, 04:28:57 PM Today was a weird day for me. I'm 2 months in NC. I hopped on FB and saw my ex in the people you may know. She only made this account after our split because of my replacement. Anyway this isn't the first time I've seen her show up on my FB. I use it as a tool, I want to be able to see it on my FB and actually feel indifferent when I see it. Just like when I see my other ex's looking me up on FB. So far it's working pretty well. (I don't look at the profile I just see her face / name show up)
Anyway, I had been thinking before seeing her show up on FB and recollecting the last time we actually saw each other face to face, the time before that was over 10 months prior. One thing still bothers me, and I know it shouldn't. It's the way she looked at me and what she said and how she said it. You could see just about every emotion all at once just by looking at her eyes. While looking at me for the first and only time. "I don't care what you do". This was after I said "I guess I'll get going". It's so hard to understand why one moment they can't even look at you or speak pleasantly, but then she's trying to see what I've been up to on FB. Title: Re: For men with a BPD Waif - Helps me every time. Post by: once removed on December 29, 2015, 12:35:40 AM hey groundbreaker
theres not really a right or wrong list of the things that "shouldnt" bother you when it comes to grieving. personally, i found (find) it helpful to accept that things bother me and process them. people with BPD feel emotions very intensely; intimate moments like the one you describe, or even, frankly, seemingly peaceful and calm moments may heighten the fear of abandonment, and this can lead to inconsistent behavior like simultaneously behaving coldly toward you and checking out your status. Title: Re: For men with a BPD Waif - Helps me every time. Post by: groundbreaker on December 29, 2015, 10:42:30 AM Well apparently she was fighting with my replacement and that's why she was looking me up. I noticed my replacement showed up too. Mind you we don't have any mutual anything. They aren't even facebook friends.
I was curious so I checked out his profile and see his post relating to relationships and how women will leave a nice guy. I know I won't hear from her, I think she has to much guilt and shame. She did everything she accused me of doing but I never did. Title: Re: For men with a BPD Waif - Helps me every time. Post by: once removed on December 30, 2015, 06:55:43 PM I use it as a tool, I want to be able to see it on my FB and actually feel indifferent when I see it. Just like when I see my other ex's looking me up on FB. So far it's working pretty well. (I don't look at the profile I just see her face / name show up) groundbreaker, i have to ask how this is really helping. the reason i ask is because a lot of your focus is on her actions, her relationship, checking to see if shes checking on you. youre entitled to do that, and im not judging, i did it myself. it does not sound like its leading to indifference. It's so hard to understand why one moment they can't even look at you or speak pleasantly, but then she's trying to see what I've been up to on FB. if you think about it, arent you both kind of doing the same thing? youre both not speaking, youre both checking up in some form, perhaps even for similar reasons. One thing still bothers me, and I know it shouldn't. It's the way she looked at me and what she said and how she said it. You could see just about every emotion all at once just by looking at her eyes. While looking at me for the first and only time. "I don't care what you do". This was after I said "I guess I'll get going". that sounds pretty painful groundbreaker. how did/does it make you feel? what did she do that she accused you of doing? |