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I will start by stating that I'm a psychotherapist (as it relates later in the story).  I am approaching 50 and have practiced for 18 years in the field.  I co-parented my 18 year old son for about 8 years ... .The other 10, I parented him alone.  I'm a helper by nature as is he... .we are always trying to heal and/or help others in need.  My son met his gf at 17; she was 15.  Her dad was imprisoned for sexually assaulting her for 11 years.  Her mom was/is a drug addict/alcoholic, abusive and neglectful... .and BPD. We heard all the horrendous stories... .that drew us in to support and care for her... .but something wasn't quite right... .intuitively I was so very familiar with the angst and didn't like it at all.  She initially complained that my son compared her to me (not necessarily in a good way -- and I explained to my son why he shouldn't do that)... .he stopped, but her complaints didn't.  She earnestly tried to be kind towards me... .but, her resentment (or whatever it is) reared its head repeatedly.  She slowly started challenging me, as I provided guidance to my son... .she'd disagree, disapprove, insult my parenting-- in the moment -- as a 15 year old guest in my home.  I was flabbergasted.  I repeatedly asked then told her she had no place in my parenting my son.  It worked for awhile... .and then she got pregnant.  I'd describe their relationship as "Bonnie and Clyde"... .scary.  I was the only viable option for them and their son.  I'm stable, good/ responsible parent with financial means to support them for the time.  She got significantly worse once she got pregnant.   No "hello goodbye good morning good night" ever... .didn't talk to me in my own home... .Triangulated my son and I against one another.  Neither of her parents helped in any matter... .I was drowning  but trying to be there for my child and my grandchild.  I did share with my son my concern about.  Her emotional instability… He did see it… And felt he could not live with it, but then the baby was born.  She continued rude behavior... .I repeatedly doubted myself and my interpretation.   Then a few weeks ago I was trying to parent my son and she very rudely intervened called me an FB... .She proceeded to shove me out of her way... .knocking me back (my son was not witness that part)... And fortunately or unfortunately I am both a bodybuilder and have a black belt  in karate ... .I restrained her from hurting me ( and my son did see that part ) ... And blames me and they moved out to her mothers… So, being a therapist, I should not have physically restrained her, but I did not know what to do ... .I responded instinctually.  I called the police and chose not to press charges against her... .There's nothing I can do, but hope for the best for them.

Hi Mama

Im sorry your having to deal with this. One thing I would say is that your son is going to need you more than he realises. Now that you are not living with them you will no doubt be the target of her anger. Your son will become more and more isolated. Once he takes over from you as being the target of her anger then things will get really bad for him. It will probably get to a make or break point with them and if its break then your son will need to feel that he is welcome with you. Try to give him the space so that he doesn't feel you are trying to interfere. In the mean time keep a journal of anything that she does that could be used as evidence if it came to a custody battle for your grandson. Also as a professional then it may be worthwhile writing down her behaviour that you witnessed that led to you believing she was borderline.

Hello and thank you so much for your supportive words.  I agree with everything you said.  I have kept a record and have shared it with a family member --  initially to get an objective perspective in the event it was me as the source of the problem.   As things worsened,  I actually started to fear for my safety.   I locked my bedroom door, rinsed every dish before using it, did not eat or drink anything I may have left out in her presence.   This was after I discovered a chemical of some sort in my coffee.   I will always be here for my son, and convey to him that my doors always opened.