BPDFamily.com

Wife is undiagnosed BPD. We hold Christmas  eve party for her family every year.  Everything has to be perfect... .right... .stress. .this year her family snubbed which ruined Christmas.  Shock waves  ended up with all anger for fiasco directed on me... .I lost patience and now I am sitting in my car in a Dennys pkg lot on a freezing night. Wife cut herself as usual to cope but when I lost my patience with her attacks... .as you all know that made it worse... .some Merry Christmas. I just 2ant to go home and get some sleep but she will come out of our room and yell with more attacks till 2 or 3 am. Any ideas. I just need to know someone understands.

Hi badknees1,

*welcome*

I'm sorry to hear that you are having such an awful time. It's hard to be on the receiving end of a whole host of bad feeling when you can see that it really belongs to someone else and it's hard to watch someone behaving so self-destructively. Christmas is a stressful time for everyone, but, as you know, people with BPD don't handle their emotions that well.

Sorry this reply wasn't earlier. Are you still sitting in your car?

Lifewriter

I am sorry you are going through this!  I hope things are better today.

It is a good idea to have a safety plan for these times.  A good friend or family member, local hotel, etc; a safe place you can go until things settle down.  Many of us keep a bag in the car, or a safe place, with cash, clothing, etc.

I am glad you are here!  There are amazing resources on the right side of this page and a wonderful group of helpful and understanding people here.

Please let us know how you are!

I agree with Lilme. You need an exit strategy for these situations. Do you have someone you can confide in who can offer you a better situation than your car?

In addition I know you may be concerned for your partners self-destructive behaviour. Does she have anyone who you can confide, to bridge the gap?

I find when everything is contained and isolated within the relationship and there is no one from 'the real world' to address these issues with (for you and your partner) it becomes detached from what is 'normal' which obviously allows us to tolerate things we wouldn't normally.

If you're in a situation where your only temporary exit strategy is sitting in a cold car you need to start thinking about big picture stuff. This is no way to live!

Sorry for what you're going through. Best of luck for the new year! Time to make some resolutions?

Hi badknees1,  i do understand.  Sometimes, I just need to leave the situation to keep from making it worse, or to uphold a boundary against abusive talk.  I have been there in my car sitting in a parking lot.  So I totally understand.

It feels ridiculous, yet, sometimes just escaping the craziness is a good thing.

Hugs to you.  Hope things are better.

Good luck with it all, badknees1.

My ex girlfriend is undiagnosed BPD and I had many wretched nights like those. Often getting woken up by her screaming in my face and had to lock myself in my son's room which was the only room with a lock at that time.

I know very little about your situation but just to remind you that there are other options and it doesn't have to be like this.

Hope you got some sleep in the end.