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Title: Mutual Respect? Post by: Concerns on December 30, 2015, 02:07:31 PM Do pwBPD deserve mutual respect from their SO when they have no respect for their SO?
Title: Re: Mutual Respect? Post by: MapleBob on December 30, 2015, 04:29:40 PM Maybe they don't, Concerns, but do you want to be the person that they (and you!) remember as having been disrespectful? I think there's a key component with disordered people where you either accept that it isn't going to be an equal, normal relationship, or you say that you won't stand for less than that. But it's on you how much disrespect you'll put up with. And it's on you how much disrespect your conscience will allow you to display.
Title: Re: Mutual Respect? Post by: formflier on December 30, 2015, 06:42:55 PM Do pwBPD deserve mutual respect from their SO when they have no respect for their SO? Yes they do. As nons we need to demonstrate good behavior. Show respect for him. Show respect for yourself with healthy boundaries. Let the pwBPD be the odd one out that doesn't show respect. Would you like to discuss an example in particular? Title: Re: Mutual Respect? Post by: ProKonig on December 31, 2015, 01:30:00 AM If this were a relationship with two non-BPD people, why would you stay together if there was no mutual respect?
Your partner may not always show you respect, but that tends to be during dysregulation. If it is constant, then why are you with them? If you think think you have have a positive impact on that disrespect and eventually have a healthy relationship, I'm pretty sure being disrespectful and setting a bad example isn't going to improve anything. Title: Re: Mutual Respect? Post by: an0ught on December 31, 2015, 02:15:15 PM Hi Concerns,
Do pwBPD deserve mutual respect from their SO when they have no respect for their SO? is it really a question whether they deserve or is a question whether they have earned it? And isn't there a more relevant angle to look at this certainly important question? When you look at respect in the context of boundaries then paying respect is about your partners boundaries. And where these boundaries are reasonable (there are obviously sometimes issues when boundaries overlapping or pwBPD claiming the universe) why should we not pay respect to them? Boundaries help to create identity and define a person. PwBPD struggle with their own emotions and identity often due to lack of good boundaries. Why should we not help by acting in a consistent manner strengthening what needs strengthening? Yeah, we all wish for mutual respect, the pwBPD knowing and refraining from stepping over our boundaries. However as long as the pwBPD is unstable the burden of ensuring our boundaries falls on us. |