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So I texted her a light hearted text and she called me-- she was in a great mood, chatty & light-hearted. She interspersed her conversation with little cutting things to me though-- about what a good time she is having this year (as opposed to last when we were together, when "we were having a traumatic time", also that my gift to her was depressing (I gave her a gift subscription to a magazine that I guess was full of depressing articles in it), and a couple of other little hits.

Anyway, I kept it light and relatively short (under 15 minutes), didn't react to any of the cutting things she said, and we ended with exchanging new years greetings and saying it was good to hear each other's voices.

On the becoming friends front, I think it was a successful conversation. On the getting back together front, I'm not so sure . It feels pretty over on her part. She seems happy to be moving on.

Nothing I can do, right? If you guys have any ideas, I'd totally appreciate them.

A phone call and her calling is a sign she still cares, even with the small digs. Mine won't even initiate texting me tho she replies when i do.

I'd just take it slow and don't get to high or too low from the call. play it cool.

Thanks Anez, I'll hold on to those words.

I know it's easier said than done but we know what pushes them away. Be the you she fell for.

Yeah, the name of the game in the moment (for all three of us!) is to not make things worse. Once things are consistently not getting worse, maybe we can push things forward a little bit at a time.

She probed in some areas that usually would make her mad (my interactions with my kid's mom over the holidays in terms of how we were splitting up the time with the kids)... .so I think she was probably thinking "more of the same", proving her point of why we had to break up  to herself. In that way I think I probably made things worse, and it was hard not to walk on eggshells around that. She didn't say anything but I could feel it in her questioning. I guess if she comes back around to me she'll have to make her own peace with my shortcomings in that way (she thinks I acquiesce too much to my kid's mom's requests).

Oh well, on the good side, we kept it warm and mostly positive. Fake it til you make it.

But talking to her, while good I guess, has knocked me back into these physical symptoms:

Not hungry

Hard to maintain interest in social interactions (and I'm surrounded by my wonderful brother and his family)

Short of breath

Weird how intensely physical this grief is, no?