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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: blackbirdsong on December 31, 2015, 07:17:48 AM



Title: Recycle attempts when you leave BPD partner
Post by: blackbirdsong on December 31, 2015, 07:17:48 AM
In short, I broke up with my ex dBPDgf. It was very hard for me, as you all know the feeling, but it was something that I had to do.

Several days after our breakup she started dating again her ex BF (they had much longer r/s than we did).

One of the reasons could be the fact that he was contacting her during our relationship (she said that he cannot accept that it is over and that he must have some issues of its own). So, I assume he could provide quick-fix supply just after our r/s.

After our r/s, I went NC.

Her move (getting back to her ex) shows me that I was right after all, that she is not on the right track regarding her therapy and healing path.

I am wondering now, since I don't believe that they will make it (the guy shows serious codependency signs and I assume that he will become our future board member,  but my bet is that, for that reason, he will be again longer with her than I managed) will she try to contact me after their r/s ends.

I hope that the fact that I ended the r/s and went NC can trigger some sort of abandonment fear in her, so that she will not try to risk it again. Altough, we didn't split under ugly circumstances. I just said I cannot manage it anymore and the end was really emotionaly intense and caring.

I often read here the cases where BPDs left their partners and then try to recycle. But what when you leave BPD, are there recycle attempts in this pattern or is it different case?

I believe the devaluation phase didn't end fully in my case but maybe she painted!me fully black after the breakup so that she can move to him.

Also, even hard to admit to myself, if you read my story, I am actually a replacement for him. Does this makes things "better" for me, in the sense that she will not attempt recycle with short-term replacement?

Any ideas?


Title: Re: Recycle attempts when you leave BPD partner
Post by: C.Stein on December 31, 2015, 08:04:09 AM
Also, even hard to admit to myself, if you read my story, I am actually a replacement for him. Does this makes things "better" for me, in the sense that she will not attempt recycle with short-term replacement?

Any ideas?

If I may ask, why does it matter to you one way or the other?


Title: Re: Recycle attempts when you leave BPD partner
Post by: blackbirdsong on December 31, 2015, 08:31:27 AM
Also, even hard to admit to myself, if you read my story, I am actually a replacement for him. Does this makes things "better" for me, in the sense that she will not attempt recycle with short-term replacement?

Any ideas?

If I may ask, why does it matter to you one way or the other?

You are right, it is irrelevant for my healing. But I had another perception in my mind and this is just additional parameter I need to process on my journey. Probably some narc. wound (I am not so special at the end)