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Hello everyone! First of all  9 !

I am glad to have found this forum so that i can verify my instincts about the psicological illness of my mother in law and my sister in law.

Let me tell you a bit of background, i am from latin america, my boyfriend is from germany. I just got out of college and have no job and he is planning to take over his family company in germany, so since my life is more flexible we desided to move in together and stablish a home in germany. I had visited and met his family before, even dough he told me they were a bit crazy, i was never directly confronted or disrespected.

What happend the first day We arrived was a totally different story. We sat for dinner, first thing that shocked me was my MIL behavior, I politely asked what happened to a beautiful painting she made that was hanging on the hallway , she responded with a very mean tone "what about it? I took it down, is there a problem with that?" And I was like    What the heck? (Ofcourse i disnt say this but just said it inside mymind, i was shoked by jow someone can turn kind words of care into an assumed attack or something)

Later my SIL tells me "are you ok? You seem hugely skinny, and your undereyes are yellow" i tell her Im ok, that it must be that i am not drinking alcohol or animal fat that i lost the wieght... .Then she sais "You look like a grandmother", again i was shocked, how can someone be so disrespectful, i understand if someone is showing concern because of weight issues, but this literally simmed like an attack.

We discussed it with my boyfriend and he too thinks they were off the rail disrespectful.

So second night comes (last night new years eve) my MIL starrs to talk about how you should always eat cheese with the hardest first and then the more bland, cause the bland tend to be the most strong in flavor and the hard rend to be softer, so i tried her cheese and this time the rule seemed to not aply, so i asked her how come, she srarted to explain but had some trouble because english is not her native lenguage and also she was a bit drunk so when she was trying to find a word i thought i could help and said "cheese tasting?" Immedeatly afrer i said this she gave up and said "ill explain another time", there my SIL jumps in and sais something "yeah since you know better because you have been "cheesetasting"" with an ironic tone on her voice, i ignored it. And lastly but not least after everyone was done eating they started to put the dishes away, me and my boyfriend were distracted so we did not help immediately, and the sister sais something like "you want to be spoiled now?" This was the last straw for my BF so he confronted her and asked if she was talking to him and what did she mean? She went on to repeat what she said with not much explanation and my BF started to set boundaries, immediatly my MIL comes out of the kitchen to defend her daughter since she has "psicosis" so apparently she can behave how ever she wants because of this, my boyfriend went on to tell his mother something like "You did not even hear what my sister said and you immediatly assume i am making problems when i am just trying to establish parameters so that me and my girlfriend get respect" then he went on and pointed out that the commets from the other night were also disrespectful (me looking like a grandmother) and that he daosnt go around telling people in his damily that they are fat or look sick (in case of his sister) surprisingly his mom replaid "well your girlfriend DOES look like a grandmother sometimes". After this fight my MIL put me aside to "talk" with me, she went on to say to me that her son (my bf) has changed and that he is lost and NOT ok and that he doesnt understand that his sister has a psicological illness (he does), she asked me how we are doing, obviously implying that he has changed somehow because of me, and she doesnt like it, she asked me if i was happy with her son cause to her it doesnt seem so, (when we are better then ever and if there is an issue is having to deal with their crazyness). In this talk she was the one mainly talking and did not let me communicate my feeling much at all, in the end of the conversation she left halfway of me saying something and i had to follow her around to finish my point which was me telling her that every moment is a new moment to put a smile on. So after this everyone did as if nothing happened and kept getting drunk.

So i am wondering, does my MIL have BPD? She also has a history of thretenning my father in law of killing herself, she has thretened him with a gun, she would throw the dishes to the head of her children if they did not put them away, she is adopted and her parents are dead and she barely talks and avoides her own brother which is also adopted. i have a feeling she is addicted to drama, i already told my BF hat i intend to stay away from her and his sister, cause i have already put myself in their way twice (when i was invited to this dinners) and in both times i was disrespected and had to take s*** from them.

I definetly need guidance and help.

Lots of love to you all who are also struggling with this kind of situations!

Hi Esb2123

Happy New Year to you too!  

I am sorry you had these very unpleasant experiences with your MIL and SIL. Those comments were not nice at all. You mention your SIL's illness, she suffers from psychosis. Do you know how long this has been a problem and is she being treated for it?


We cannot diagnose people here, but what I can say is that the behavior your describe in the above quote is very concerning. It's very difficult, distressing and confusing for children to see their own parent behave this way. I can imagine how tough this must have been for your boyfriend.

Are your MIL's violent behavior and threats of suicide something of the past or does she still do this now? Does she still have a gun?

Has your MIL perhaps ever been diagnosed with any kind of mental, emotional or behavioral disorder?

Take care and welcome to bpdfamily

Hello Kwamina! Thank you so much for your reply!

About my sister in law... .She is currently under pills... .Thats the treatment that i am aware of, from what i have gathered my SIL has been having problems for sometime now... .Estimated 5 years maybe... .My boyfriend says it was triggered by drugs.

And well my MIL has acces to guns, they are a hunting family, and even though she and my FIL are going thru a makeup stage in their marriage (this is way she may appear more calm) she reacted in a violent way last christmas (2014)  when she had a fight with my boyfriend who was diffending his father from her verbal attacks, we went upstairs to sleep and she proceeded to take down the christmas tree, more then taking down... .She was thowing the decorations. I know she goes to the psicologist but i dont know if she has been diagnosed, this things i think tend to be family secrets or tabu topics.

Last night we went to visit them and in a moment she was hitting the back of my FIL head because he was saying something she didnt like, and it was in a hard manner, my biyfriend let me know how he didnt like that his mom was doing this, she also seems to try to set a territory around me, my boyfriend says he thinks she is jealous of me, he says that she acts different when i am around like being overly touchy hugging him a lot and then looking at me as if to trying to set him apart from me, ofcourse when this happened i was not aware of it cause i thought it was normal mom and son behavior, but my boyfriend told me she acted weird.

The father has dealt with all thsi madness by ignoring, and sometimes even joining in, cause he doesnt want to get attacked anymore. Whichh i think is a very pittyful way to deal with it, but anyways, each to their own.

How should i go about this? Everytime we go visit something weird and uncomfortable happens and i cant ignore it anymore, i am a very upfront person and if i feel uncomfortable it is very hard for me to hide it, this makes me feel even more self conscious and makes me be nervous ariund them.

It sounds like your bf isn't emotionally enmeshed with his mom (that's probably his sister), so that's one good thing. He probably knows things aren't right, but this is the family he grew up in, and they're his family.

Have you broached the feeling with him about not feeling safe over there with a MIL who's engaging in domestic abuse?