BPDFamily.com

uBPD friend has being  doing very  well recently... .pleasant  to everyone  -  including  me  -  and  having  social contact. Some  older friends  he  has been  visiting  have  talked to him and  criticised  his  behaviour  towards  me. He  brought the  subject  up with  me,  and apologised.  I thought  I could  talk to  him  about it ... .no blame, just  talk about  stress and  how he  reacts. But  no...   as soon as  we  discuss  the situations, it  is  always my fault, I'm so incompetent, make  him angry, make him impatient. Then  he  will talk  about  his  bad  behaviour  with  other  people and  how  he  has  apologised  too.  But  is this really  just superficial? I don't  really know how to react  now. 

Is he narcissistic too? It's often comorbid with BPD. I ask because it sounds like he wants the "credit" from his friends for "apologizing", but he doesn't want to actually address or talk about the issue with you. As in, he's actually taking zero responsibility, and he doesn't see the need to address it. He doesn't really want to address why it keeps happening, and it's obvious he's still wanting to project all his issues onto you.

It's hard, but with BPD there often isn't any resolution, because they just aren't self reflective, or mature enough to get to the root of the issue, or work on why it keeps happening. My BPDh was actually in DBT therapy, and due to this very issue, it wasn't very effective for him. Mindfulness really only works if you want to apply the principles and use them. People with BPD unless they really want to change for the better, and make their lives easier, really hate being mindful. They'll do anything to avoid thinking about their actions, their overreactions, and they hate taking any of the blame. It's just sad.

Thanks, CB, you   may  well  be  right.  Although  I  don't  really know much about narcissism, nor  think that  labels help too much.  Immaturity   seems  to  be  one  of  his  main  problems... .and  not  taking  responsibility. It  seems  to  go  in  cycles.  Cycle  of childish  behaviour, cycle  of  adult  behaviour... .ah  well. So  I  just  go  on  as  ever - but I will  still  gently  discuss  the things with  him. He  does seem  to  be improving  in  many ways. Here's hoping.