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Today I found a check from my father in the mailbox for $50 with the note "go buy some apples".  I called him to thank him but he did not answer. I actually need to use that $50 to do annual maintenance on my bike, as I set up my budget for January already.

So, on to the story about my mother.

I shared about this on another thread but I thought I would give it is own stage.

On Christmas Eve I got a text from my daughter asking me if I was ok. She had "heard" that I was heartbroken and was staying home to paint. I got this text the following morning, Christmas Day, so I called my daughter, then my brother, and then my father. It turns out my mother was the originator of this lie, which I found out from her directly in person on Christmas Day.

She apparently believed I was so heartbroken by my partner not filing for divorce that I could not show up to the family event and had to stay home and paint.

Not true.

To make matters worse on Christmas Day she was waxing on about how great my bipolar alcoholic ex husband was.

She seems to have forgotten why it was his truck got impounded, for example, and when I told her he owed me tens of thousands in back child support she made excuses for him saying he would never be able to afford that.

(I probably should go write about my ex over on the coparenting board as I'm having some problems with him today.)

Hi unicorn2014


That's an interesting note, 'go buy some apples'. Is this something he has done before, giving you checks accompanied by these kinds of notes?


Did she say why she believed you was heartbroken? Had you discussed it with her that your partner has not yet filed for divorce?


I can see why your mother praising your ex like that would make you feel very uncomfortable considering the things he's done (or failed to do). How was your mother's relationship with your ex when the two of you were still together? Did they get along well? Does she still have contact with your ex?

I don't know if you had an opportunity to read my first thread on this subject about my father. I had prematurely agreed to go see a movie on Wednesday with my dad when I knew I couldn't afford the tickets for my daughter and I, so that is why he sent me the money. I had told him if I took her this week that would mean no money for apples.



She knew I had not allowed my partner to come see me for Thanksgiving because I found out his divorce had not been filed.



My mother always adored my ex, they got along great, but they don't talk to each other since I'm out of the picture. My mother held me responsible for my ex's relapse and said its because I divorced him. She's very codependent and thought it was my job to uphold him. She behaved like she  valued him more then she valued me. I actually talked to a woman about that locally who had shared a similar story in her family. I think my mother loves my ex so much because she can pity and rescue him. I believe she finds my strength intimidating and often belittles me in insidious ways. In fact the last thing she said to me on Christmas is "gosh Unicorn your so strong" as she gave me a hug and she squeezed my bicep. I said "yes mom thats because I work out". I've often likened the way my mom treats me to a slave on an auction block. She often admire my figure and its womanly curves because its so different then her own boyish figure, but to me that feels exploitative and intrusive.