BPDFamily.com

So, my d15 has been with her disordered father since New Year's Eve. He is house sitting a 3 story house that came with a dog and a car, he has none of those things, so he allowed d15 to have a "kick back" with 20 friends, and his girlfriend helping to supervise things.

On New Year's Eve I had allowed my d15 to go the gym until 11:30am and she was not home until 3pm. After talking to a parental stress line about the seriousness of the situation (the gym is located in the city she got caught smoking pot in by the sheriff) I decided that taking away her phone while she was with her dad was an inappropriate consequence in addition to not being able to go to the gym for 2 weeks.

On New Year's Day I talked to my ex and asked him when he would be bringing d15 home. He said they were making food and she was "chilling" so I said ok, can you have her home by 12pm tomorrow? He said fine.

Then today at 11:30am I called him to check in with him and he was out of the house on the way to work, no phone call had been made to me to let me know of a change in plans.

When I pointed this out to him he went ballistic on me and started talking about how he was pulled away from the parenting role, and it was winter break and d15 could do what she likes, he told me to shut up, swore. I had to hang up on him.

When he called me back I explained to him that d15 did not have her phone and then he got on my case for taking away her phone all the time

1. This is only the 2nd time I've taken away her phone ever, and for good reason.

2. I pay the bill.

3. I have full custody.

4. He never disciplines her.

(I had wanted to get a message to d15 that her one of her best friend's mom had said her best friend could hang out now. Her best friend had gotten in trouble for disrespecting her parents and her parents took away her freedom until she came to.)

I have a lot of disordered people in my life and sometimes I get confused between them, especially my ex and my  partner, which I've dealt with extensively on other boards.

I'm not clear on what visitation looks like with the OP when you have full custody. Was she being there required by your stipulation, or was it generosity on your part?