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My ex BPD gfriend has tried to bring back in after about a year. She is contacting me daily. I have changed he way I respond to her and it is driving her up a tree. She is constantly accusing me of seeing someone else, I believe because I do not react to her daily tests. She keeps telling me she is just gonna leave me alone because in my opinion, she has a certain game plan or script she follows and if I don't fall into line, she has no where to go with it. Is that accurate that BPD's use similsr tactics with everyone and that they have nothing else except their "kill kit" (DEXTER reference, sorry)? Since I am new, was also wondering what "as-ifs" meant in reference to BPD?

Well, I'm not sure it's exclusive to BPD, but I do notice with BPDh, he almost always does what he's always done. He can even KNOW, mentally, that it's never worked for him, but he'll keep trying it. It's just easier for him to do what he's always done, than to change. I know because we've had conversations about it. It's incredibly frustrating.

I guess he must get something out of it, and my guess is that it's the need for upset and chaos. I mean, he'll do something, knowing it hasn't worked, EVER, then when it fails, or blows up on him, he's created chaos or disappointment. Chaos and upset feels "normal" and when things get actually good, it feels "off" to them.

I think your ex follows a script because it's comfortable to her, and maybe at some point in time, it worked for her? And even if it's never worked, she thinks it should, and change is very hard. Lost of people hate being wrong, but I think this is amplified in pwBPD. My BPDh would rather do the something over and over that is clearly not working, than to admit he might be wrong, and try a different tactic.

BPDs don't have a master plan. What they do have is learned behaviour and reaction to how they are feeling.

Some behaviour worked for them as a child and to some extent continued to work as an adult. Its probably frustrating for them when it doesn't work on someone and they will usually split that person black and move onto someone it does work on. For example as a child they rely on their parents to save them and sort out any mess they create. This goes on into adulthood and they find their white knights. When this fails and they are expected to stand on their own two feet then they cant handle it.

Other things are just reaction. If they feel that they are inadequate in a way then they might try to prove people wrong and do things their way to show how they are not incapable. When this fails it just highlights their inadequacy which makes them feel worse.

The fact that the OPs exgf is still trying to re engage just means that her feelings are strong for him and she sees the good that she is missing out on. Its not a game plan its a reaction to her feelings and needs.