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Was doing ok.

Bad dreams this morning. She was with an old friend and they were in a perfect relationship. In a later dream that night, she was in the same house as me, but with someone else there in bed and wouldn't talk to me.

I woke up and had to sort out what reality was, oh that's right, she was with some other guy and we haven't communicated in almost 2 months.

In a total funk now this morning, feeling on the verge of tears since getting up.

You can't control most dreams, and I feel utterly defenseless when these happen. They don't seem to be response to anything specific that happened recently.

I hope that it's part of the brain processing something and healing. That would be nice to believe.

Otherwise, it just feels cruel. My brain knows exactly how to stab me to create the most longing and pain. Why would it do that?

Hi Homefree

It's great that you reached out. That's a positive action to get out of the situation. Yes, dreams are way of reorganizing the traumatic incident for the brain. It's a part of recovery and it's good for our health. Your body is helping you even if it's a bit painful. Addicts get these dreams, too. It's part of their recovery.

What can you think to distance yourself from the dream?

What can you do to win this day? What will be good for you now?

And there are exercises to influence dreams too, but your wellbeing right now is more important.

Glad it's not just me Homefree 

As I read through the lessons and gain more understanding of whyI became enmeshed with a BPD, I'm having vivid and troubling dreams about family members. Easy to interpret the  meanings but tiring and they stay with me all day. Especially disturbing when he is involved.

Just hope its all part of the forward journey... . 

It's your brain telling you to let go of her. I had a similar dream about a month or two post break up. I was at her families house and I went to the kitchen and there I saw an old friend of mine that treated me poorly and ultimately used me. I asked him what he was doing there and he said he was there to see my ex. Then another guy who I didn't notice came out of her room and asked who I was. I said I'm her boyfriend. He started laughing as did her family who was sitting in the other room. I woke up in a sweat.

Another dream I could recall was she was kidnapped and I went to save her. I broke into this dark house with no lights and found her chained up in a room. I quickly rescued her but the guys started chasing us. After running through town with her hiding and finally getting away she looked at me and said "I'm gonna go back there". And ran away.

It was like my mind was telling me there was nothing I could do to save her like I tried to do the entire relationship. All I could think in the moment of waking up was why am I dreaming about her. It was my mind finally stepping in for my heart which I followed for so long

Well, I guess it's a good sign, but I was able to snap out of the funk probably around 2:00pm and felt good again by 7:00.

There's really nothing I can do about dreams popping up. I had dreams about a former relationship well more than 10 years after it was over.

I can tell things are getting better, and I will hold on to that. I can also tell that it is only with NC that I am able to keep moving forward. One contact from her and I would start obsessing and ruminating again. I can feel it.

So bad dreams suck, but they are better than feeling like my waking life was some sort of surreal nightmare that I couldn't wake up from, which it most certainly did shortly before the NC. I'll take bad dreams that I can wake up from every time over that.

For bad dreams, try changing the storyline of the dream the second you wake up, starting from when it got scary. The next time you have the dream your brain might be able to access that story instead.

I've been able to develop the ability when dreaming to simply generate a silver light which emanates from my crown throughout the space I'm in and envelopes me in impenetrable protection whenever I don't feel safe in a dream. (In one really terrifying dream, I just yelled "No! I don't like this dream! I'm changing the story! And swam with dolphins the rest of the night. That was fun and surprising.)

I had a similar dream during my breakup, except more bloody, and was so affected by it that I had a panic attack just describing it back to my therapist. The dreams didn't get graphic or violent until after I moved to my new apartment, without her. I think it was because my brain finally had the space to try to make sense of what happened. Since going NC they've stopped (so far - knock on wood).

Bad dreams can also be a sign of PTSD post traumatic stress disorder and in our relationships we pw Bpd we are often in stressful environments

I would consider part of the exit process. You're still healing. I get bad dreams of past experiences when I'm under a lot of stress not related to my own BPD, sometimes of work is stressful I will have nightmares of us fighting and him screaming at me. Just a warning that may happen years later