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Title: My ex Lied about cancer on xmas eve and now im split bla Post by: LC47 on January 04, 2016, 10:24:57 AM Hi there! Im new here and have recently been recycled then split black from my exBPD. We were together for a year and a half in an intense and abusive relationship. Anyway cut a long story short we were texting on xmas eve and out of the blue she says shes in hospital and later tells me that she is dying of cancer and wont make her next birthday in 4 months. (She is a major problem with believing she is not sick and and has changed doctors many many times because they are all incompetent) Anyway- she was being very evasive when i asked her questions and said the nurse is gonna take her phone off her (ah ha!). In that period i called the hospital to see if she was there- and they had no patients under her name- the hospital transferred me to the only other hospital in that town and they also had no one with her name there. When i confronted her and said id called the hospital her response was "why would i be on the list"- she then said she was packing up and allowed to go home and will talk later. Enter Xmas day- i called and called and left a message. Following day- no contact. It wasnt till about 3 days later she finally responded with "FUK OFF! I cant stand you!". And so now ive been split black and is not talking to me and has cut off all tyes. From saying she was in love with me to saying shes dying of cancer and now to being split black and cut out! All because i called the hospital which she was never in. She rages, projects, splits, lies,abuses, avoids and thinks everyone else is the problem!
I was wondering if anyone has dealt with such intense lies? And if someone with BPD can tell me if youve ever split soneone black for exposing your lies? Were you aware of being caught out or was splitting justified? Title: Re: My ex Lied about cancer on xmas eve and now im split bla Post by: once removed on January 04, 2016, 02:53:16 PM hey LC47 and *welcome*
now that you mention it, it seems to me ive read that exact story here at least once (BPD partner claims to be hospitalized, other partner follows up, finds out it isnt true, BPD partner lashes out). i imagine it all feels like quite a roller coaster; youre rightfully concerned about your partners health, you want to be involved, and then you receive the message you received. how confusing. you are likely right, that she feels exposed. in her mind, she may feel spied on, her privacy invaded, and confronting her may have made her feel persecuted; i understand that was far from your intention, it just may explain where she is coming from. how are you feeling now LC47, and where do you intend to go from here? we are here to help :) Title: Re: My ex Lied about cancer on xmas eve and now im split bla Post by: LC47 on January 05, 2016, 12:11:10 AM thank you for your reply once removed!
It certainly made me feel better (well bitter sweet really) knowing that other people have had similar experiences. It makes me sad tho that people have to go to that extent to get attention - then when they are exposed they take no responsibility. At this point there is NC - i sent a message on new years eve saying 'i dont want to carry indifference into 2016 so i wish you a healthy new year' - of course i got no response, but that message was more for me to let go and not take on her manipulation. At this point i am concentrating on getting myself strong and healthy, physically mentally spiritually and emotionally. I am working on my codependence and plan on being single for a while. Hopefully changing my energy will attract the right people into my life? Thanks again for responding! this site is fantastic release and having support from people who understand makes the healing process much easier. There's only so much your friends can handle :) - LC47 Title: Re: My ex Lied about cancer on xmas eve and now im split bla Post by: once removed on January 07, 2016, 11:17:52 AM it is sad, LC47. BPD involves a set of very primitive, maladaptive coping mechanisms.
as far as your attitude, i could not have put it better myself. really good game plan and healthy attitude. one lesson from these relationships is that we can only change/improve ourselves, but that is certainly not at a lack of results. self improvement will attract people in general, to your life, some of them the right people, some of them not so right. learning strong boundaries will help you distinguish and weed out the night so right, and theyll be treated with respect by the right. it will also help you be more emotionally available to a healthy relationship. im glad you feel understood here. we are here to help at every step of the way. |