BPDFamily.com

Maybe no one can comment but I am starting to get it. This all started three years ago before the BPD when I was still with my ex. He worked all of the time and I never saw him. When he was home, we had to take his mother with us everywhere. There was no room for me, no intimacy, I was just there. I had changed my career goals to stay at home more so I would be available. After about two years we had a hurricane that was the beginning of the end for me.  It was a small storm which usually never causes damage but the wind knocked out the power. My ex worked for the power company and he decided that he needed to go to work to restore power (I say this because I later found out they told him to stay home, he needed to be a hero). I stayed home with the dog and cat but went across the street to his mothers house (yes I know she lived across the street and that was not always good). I took a nape at around 12:00 PM and was woken being told the house was flooding. I freaked out because the dog was there but my ex's mom told me the dog could not be put in the garage (the living quarters were on the second level and the garage was on the first. Also, there was a generator. At that time there was only 2 inches of water so I just went home and turned off the electricity and made the dog a place to get out of the water. At 6:00 PM the water was two feet in the house and seven feet in the street and I just had to go get the dog and let my ex's mother complain. When I went to get the dog it was so bad, there were ants and snakes floating in the water trying to latch on to anything not to drown. I got the dog but she is about 90 pounds and had to swim while I tried to guide and hold her. She gave up in the middle of the street and I had to carrier her. I almost drowned. I had multiple snake, spider, and ant bites after the rescue. I then had to go back and get the cat. All night long it was an argument about the pets. The next morning the water started to go down a little but it was not until the following day anything could be done.

My ex cam back the third night for a couple of hours and then was gone for another three days. The house we had was ruined and when you get flooded, you have to get rid of everything that might mold with in a few days or it will cost a small fortune to get rid of mold. My ex's mother insisted that everyone stop and clean up her yard before doing anything else. My ex's family would not help unless I paid them to help. I even got a nasty phone call because I did not pay enough. I moved most of the stuff out of the house by myself. I had to pay a company to help with the rest out of my pocket. During this time I kept getting calls from my ex stating that I was throwing out good stuff and after he calmed down asked me to go to the store and get him socks. This transpired in about a four day period and the snake bites and spider bites got infected. I was supposed to get the infected bites taken care of but went to the store to get the socks. I lost it in the store. I had not eaten in 3 days and was in the same close for a week with no shower (no water). I could not find the door or socks or anything. This triggered PSTN.

After the storm we lived in an RV (not even going into that story) and I was told by my ex that we had no insurance. I paid the fake insure bill and paid part for the RV. I was basically told I needed to replace thing from my own money. I did that but went back to traveling for work to make more money. To pay for this I took a job traveling Monday through Friday. During this time I was again ignored and tried to commit to counseling which did not work. I meet this little crazy guy in Chicago who had the most loving eyes but a very troubled past. I was shocked that he was not a mess. The truth was after we decided to live together, all of the crazy came out. I think that I tried so hard because it was attention even though it was very negative attention.

He was an extreme version of BPD and treated to kill me several times. There was abuse daily if not hourly. The multiple recycles made me so mentally ill that I have major problems today. I am getting the NC and why that is important. I am also working on understanding my responsibility in this mess so it does not happen again.

I hope that 2016 is better.