BPDFamily.com

If any help out there would be great, i have just came off a 6 year relationship where i have just been utterly discarded and my former partner who has now moved on within weeks of our relationship ending. I feel i am left to pick up the pieces of this shattered relationship as over the last 6 months we had lost a baby due to miscarriage been through depression where i did not know how to deal with any of this with my partner and didn't do the right things and am now blamed by her and her parents for this because they thought i was stringing her along and leading her to become anxious and insecure. She also has a 6 year old daughter who is my step daughter that i have been there for since she was born.

My situation is as a pilot who works month off month on also, I know this is not an easy situation in a relationship but if anything in hindsight i think it helped us as i was able to get out and get happy while at work and come back home with a positive clear head. We would message and talk everyday and we got on great while i was working, it seemed healthy anyway.

I know love and relationships are a two way street and myself by all means am not perfect i feel i could cause a women to have insecurities because i am a free spirit with a social nature and i wear my heart on my sleeve i am just a friendly person who gets on with people, my partner on the other hand is very quiet and reserved and has a small tight circle of friends.

Over the space of our 6 years things could be absolutely great but things could change so quickly, spiralling out of control to fits of rage hitting and verbal abuse from her, in the early days I would wonder how this could happen. Over time i would get caught up in this become so frustrated and angry i would say things i would deeply regret, the worst would come out in me and i started to hate myself for doing this. Over the years i stopped doing this and just took the abuse and became manipulated with everything. Over more time and 2 breakups and engagement breakup and then getting back together. Things just got worse. I poured my self wholeheartedly the last 2 years but the more i have tried the worse it had become i was doing everything from cleaning the house cooking doing washing but whatever i would do or say she would find something to make me look like a horrible person and turn things around. One day became different to the next i was walking on eggshells. For days she could be completely normal and loving and our relationship was the most amazing again, then something would switch and her mood would change and no matter what i did it would turn into hell, I would try and leave the house to let things settle and i just took the abuse, said nothing and just kept calm,  i think now this was the worst thing to do as as soon as i left she would smash my personal belongings including my computer thinking i was abandoning her for good. The next day we would try about it all and she would mostly brush it off, hardly remember any of this and say it was just a blur the things she would remember was in saying that she thought i had left her for good and became anxious and jealous. This led us trying to get help she was diagnosed with depression. She was good through all of this and was apologetic for what she had been through herself and for what she had put me through. It was suggested by the councillor to rebuild myself and go away for a while and she move to her parents so we did this. Over the next 6 weeks we took a break to clear our heads, she kept in close contact messaging me multiple times throughout the days and i started having serious doubts about the relationship and carrying on after everything we had been through. She sent me a 2 page email a few weeks later pouring her heart out and desperately wanting things to work or for us or to move onto a next chapter in our lives. The fog had cleared for me and i became angry in what i had been put through i knew this would only be a phase to get through and i knew she had been through a lot with her battles also, i did not reply to this email as she said she didn't expect a reply because she knew i was angry and trying to process everything that had happened. Over the next 2 weeks i did a lot of thinking and came to the conclusion that we had too much to loose as we had each other we had our daughter and she was determined to get through the depression together, i started to read her email over and over and i saw things from her perspective and i wanted to try because i love her so much and she had stated she loved me so much also. It was too much to throw away.

On my return home 18 days after the email, she was completely opposite when we met up. I stated that i was willing to try to give things a go knowing what we could be dealing with. She stated that she hadn't heard from me so thought she had to prepare for the worst which i can completely understand. She told me that the depression was just a minor breakdown and a blur, i felt like she was blaming me for the whole ordeal. She also said i left her right when she needed me the most and was angry, i tried to explain about how the councillor had suggested we take a break clear heads and rebuild as i couldn't do anything to help and i had lost all self esteem. She told me she felt as though she was ready to move on and that she had lost the love, her body language was the complete opposite.

Over the next two weeks while i was at home my partner would regually check how i was doing, she would ring me and find me and come and comfort me, she would let me have my stepdaughter for an afternoon every couple of days and then and she seemed as though she still loved me so much but when i would ask she would say she didn't want to go back to the place she was in and couldn't try again. I was broken. She told me she was talking with other guys. I could totally understand she would be enjoying the confidence as i didn't want to loose her and hadn't been the best partner with what she had been through i was blaming myself for everything she had been through and she was agreeing.

I went back to work and straight away found out she had already been seeing a guy 2 weeks previous and it was already full on, I had asked her about this guy when i first got back home and she told me her cousin was seeing him and they were all hanging out. It all made sense and I'm glad my friend told me of what was going on since i got back to work.

A few weeks since this has all happened now and i have applied complete no contact as i am disappointed, I am gutted with myself after all the years of physical, emotional and mental abuse that i have taken, the massive mood swings, the hormones when all i did was to try so hard to do my best and keep my intensions good to help her. I have lost a lot loosing her, a baby through miscarriage and stepdaughter that i love so much. I am not sure now how to contact as i am afraid it will lead to more hurt. She has since sent me abusive messages falsely accusing me of telling people she has go Bi-Polar which breaks my heart as i never ever implied she had anything. I ignored the message as i am fragile and heartbroken and she sends me another message telling me "its all cleared up now i got to the bottom of it" but i need to talk to you at home. I replied "its ok i know you have moved on and i want you to be happy". She replied saying she wanted to be the one to tell me. I didn't reply and  left it at that. I now have to pick up the pieces I am completely broken, confused, lost all my self esteem and feel like i have been discarded. I miss my stepdaughter as she loved me dearly and am not sure what to do about getting in contact within regards of being able to see her again. I have been there since she was born but i guess i have no rights.

I am so sorry to hear your story. It sounds like a horrible ordeal - one which many people on this site have gone through.

I hear you'll mis your step-daughter alot. How old is she? I think seeing her could be quite difficult for a while if your ex is still bitter. But there may be hope if things settle down.