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I thought maybe specific borderline therapy and DBT therapy program would help. Nothing is getting better. It's always a roller coaster. The minute I think things are moving forward, I am proven wrong. I hope for change, I hope for some kind of emotionally stability. My anxiety has improved, but I'm constantly sucked back into a depression after each escalation or each dysregulation. I'm so tired.

I really just wish someone could help me get out of this without the anticipated mess.

Hi Hanging,

I'm sorry to hear that. I understand how emotionally and mentally exhausting push / pull is, walking on eggshells really takes it's toll.

Have you talked to an MD about feeling depressed? Do you have a supportive person in your life or a T that you can talk to when things are unstable at home?

I think this fear is the most crippling. All the What Ifs that keep us prisoner. We decide we want out but our fear of devastating results should we move on it keep us locked in.

I had already invested 23 years of my life in my exBPDw. I couldn't just get up and walk out. I had every excuse to avoid really doing it. I expected the world to end, fire and brimstone falling from the sky, and a great pit opening under my feet    It turned out to bad, I mean really bad, BUT not as bad as I feared. Taking that first step strengthened me when my gas tank was on "E".

I was fooled a million times that things were getting better - no, more times than that. I became like a hungry dog who wait for scraps to drop from the table, and gobble it down and am thankful for the very little I received. Think about THAT one for a few minutes. My T brought this up one session and it completely changed my thinking. I want to eat a banquet but settled for crumbs.

I hope you get the strength you need to make the changes you want.

Yes I'm on anti depressants and anti anxiety Meds. I need to find a new t my last one freaked out about yoga and acupuncture being satanic.

Hanging,

That's a good idea, it sounds like your T is biased. I think it that it helps to talk to a non-judgmental person. Do you feel like it's a good idea to find a new T now?

I know how hopeless and depressing your situation feels like. WalrusGumboot, myself and other members have walked a mile in your shoes and made it to the other side. I find that it helps to talk to people that can relate concurrently with a T.

Yes I am currently looking for a New T who understands Bpd to better advise me. It's definitely hard when the less educated ones or some refuse to work with pwBPD or a family member or spouse dealing with Bpd.

Yes, my last T had some really good points, but I couldn't handle the super conservative judgmental religious views. So yes I fired her kindly.

... .and none of God's creatures should have to live like that. We should treat ourselves better (run if you can).