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I had a relationship with a diagnosed BPD girl for a period of 6 months. After all the drama and breakups I decided to end it for once and for all. I’m in NC for over more than nine months. The last two months I have been dreaming a lot about her. These dreams are very strange I can see her cry and hoping me to give her a call. I have had them before the holidays. The entire thing is I don’t miss her, I have neutral feelings for her and the last thing I would like is to have her back. Could there be a logic explanation for this experience?

Maybe your rational part of mind knows that it is better that you are not with her but maybe emotional part has some doubts.

Also, you probably have some compassion feelings toward her and you 'know/feel' that she is hurt because of her BPD.

As you can guess, based on my explanation:D, I am not a professional dream analyst... .

But I would explain the dream in this way to myself in case it was my dream

Hey double_edge, and welcome to the boards.

There's a pretty well supported theory in psychology that dreams are our way to process parts of emotions that we cannot access consciously. In other words, our brains doing some spring cleaning when they have the time and space.

It's very common to dream about things that we are still processing. I know that you say your feelings are neutral toward your ex. That's perfectly valid in its own right, but maybe you're mind wants to tidy things up just a little bit more.

hey double_edge, and *welcome*


yes. its a common topic here, you might search back a few pages. i had some pretty painful dreams early on after the breakup, though they didnt last too long. after that, over the years, id have very occasional dreams, always the same, me desperately trying to find a way to break up with her/realizing the relationship couldnt work. to this day, i have recurring dreams about an ex from eleven years ago, who lasted three months, and whom i never give a spare thought to.

can you share a bit more about your relationship? you say there was a lot of drama and breakups. these are often traumatic relationships and thats your short answer, but the details of your dreams may be found in the details of your relationship. it sounds like there is some guilt in your dreams?

After the breakups I never had any dreams about her. This is my first experience with a pwBPD so in the beginning it was very confusing for me. In the early stages she really tried to hide her illness from and played it cool.

I had a couple relationships in the past with non-BPD’s and it was very different unlike this RS I had with my exBPD. From the first day I knew that something was wrong. Later when I found out about her illness I discovered so many red flags, even from the first day when I was with her I could easily remember at least 5 red flags.

When I started to learn more about this illness I accepted that I could never be together with her, even if I got back we would be in a fight within an eye blink and the cycle starts again. This caused me to move on.

I get these dreams on holidays only. One year ago before Christmas she did invite me to her place, we had a fight and she ruined the entire day. She was drunk and she said hurtful things to me, she went to sleep and I left her place.

Couple days later I called her to talk about what happened and things went fine again. I asked her if she has any plans for new year’s eve. She said that she would call me, and would spend the night together. She didn’t call me that day so I decided to hang around with a couple friend of mine, I knew she was trying to get her revenge.

After a couple days we had a fight again and according to her I did abandon her and accused me of being a cheater and abuser. When I confronted her about the things she said on Christmas eve she did deny everything. Just like the majority of BPD’s she tried to manipulate me by using the fact that I did not call her on new year eve and that she did wait for my calls. It’s hilarious because on new year’s eve I did text her and she never send a message back.