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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: homefree on January 11, 2016, 06:25:37 PM



Title: Need some advice about my exgf and her exh
Post by: homefree on January 11, 2016, 06:25:37 PM
It's never anything simple with this woman. Our relationship was always so complicated and so now is my post-bu situation.

I reconnected with the ex husband of my exgf. We were friends before I knew her. He disappeared from the scene for a couple years before I dated her.

After the heartbreak, we started texting. He has a child with her and he found out she is with some new guy and we had some common ground to talk about.

He is very concerned about her taking his child with her if she moves into the new guys place, which is a couple hours away. She has primary custody and he doesn't know how he would be in his child's life if that happens. It enrages him and hurts him.

I am NC with her for almost 2 months now.

I consider the ex husband a good friend, and I care about his situation.

At the same time, in order for him to talk about it with me, he needs to share current information about his child, his ex wife, and her new guy.

So I have two competing issues. Helping my friend by being there for him to talk about the traumatic things he's going through with custody (he has basically no one else to talk to about this), and me going NC and not talking about her with him.

He's doing a lot of the same things as me to help rebuild his life after some recent events, so the relationship in many ways is helping me to rebuild mine. We lean on each other for various things.

But I recently was feeling down for a couple days because of talking with him about her and her recent escapades. It was a major issue that he was very emotional about, but after talking there was a delayed reaction from me and it hit me the following day and I was feeling really down.

So I don't know what to do in this situation. I've already told him to keep the talk of her to a minimum, and only when there are major issues that he feels he needs a caring ear to talk with about, but there are new things happening here and there that are major enough to cause this to happen.

On yet another side, hearing about anything messed up she is doing does seem to help me see what a fool I was and how happy I should be that I'm far and away from her.

So it may be helping on some level to hear about it from him.

I just don't know.

Any advice on this? This is a very odd situation to be in.