BPDFamily.com

After going through this relationship with someone who has BPD, it has caused me to reflect on past relationships, and there has been a pattern that I myself show which allows this to happen. 

It's often said people with BPD can "find" people that are susceptible to their manipulation.  I definitely think there is an aspect of my life that leads me to be attracted to these kinds of people.  I was abused very badly as a child, by the same people that showed me love and affection.  When situations happened with my BPD ex boyfriend that would lead stable people to say "Wow, this person is causing me intense pain, better leave them behind."    My reaction is to instead completely IGNORE the abusive behavior of the partner, and only attach my thoughts to the great and amazing things they do, and how I may lose that person.

Although this is the first relationship I've had with someone with BPD,  I have also had other kinds of emotionally abusive behavior in my past relationships that I am now just starting to realize and see a pattern with.

I think part of getting past this relationship is learning what I need to do to protect myself and learn to attach negative interactions to making positive movements to stop allowing that kind of treatment.

Even though I love this person, I have to stop romanticizing my love for them, and acknowledge that this type of hurtful behavior is not acceptable, and apparently I have to gain the skills to start saying "No" to this kind of abuse.  Whether love is involved or not.

Not sure if any other people in BPD relationships are prone to accepting abusive behavior or not.

This is very similar to the BPD behavior of "painting white."  It is a natural reaction to abandonment fear.  If you fear being alone or abandoned, you'll find every excuse to keep people in your life, even ones whose behavior is toxic to your well-being.

Parents define "love" for kids.  If a parent says "I love you" to a child, the child has no idea what those words mean.  The child looks to the parent's behavior to learn what love is.  So if the parent says s/he loves the child, and behaves in a way that is abusing, or abandoning, or demeaning, the child learns to associate that with love. 

Another ex boyfriend of mine -- not the one I typically post about here -- would panic whenever I said, "I love you."  For him, he had learned that when someone said that, it meant that he was responsible for making them happy, and would be punished otherwise.  Not surprisingly, he responded by saying, "I don't want to be loved by you!"  I had to actually sit down and explain to him that to me, loving someone means caring about them and wanting them to be happy.  This idea was pretty well lost on him and he's still learning it.  Childhood impressions of things like love stay with you for a lifetime.

Thank you for your post Rmbrworst. It is very similar to my story. Good luck, read the boards, think about trauma bonding... .