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It's been about 7 weeks since the break up and I've struggled like all of us do... .

This board has been amazing and a great source of knowledge, comfort and camaraderie... .we are not alone

I actually feel at peace tonight for the first time in these past 7 weeks... .just having a quiet evening on my own texting friends and my kid sister. I realise I am loved by all that really matter and that is given freely and without condition. It is simply for being me... .warts and all... .and it's precious

I think of her but there is no longing, no sadness, no confusion, no regret and most important no anger. Yesterday I wanted to send her VENOM and tonight I have peace and perhaps even forgiveness. Regardless of what she did and how she did it, I'm pretty sure she suffers in her own way... .perhaps even more that I do. My pain will pass, I'm not so sure her's will and that can't be very nice... .

I've been to war and I've seen some horrible things that we can do to one another and tho these r/s experiences hurt us very badly, it's pretty pale by comparison... .

I don't know if this will last... .I may wake tomorrow and want to send VENOM once again but just in this moment, I have peace and I know that someday soon, it will stay that way... .

This will pass and we will be ok... .I don't know how long it will take but it will happen. Better days ahead!

Good to hear you're doing well, Brab. Good perspective on things.

have a great night!

Great progress. I admire your awareness that she is also suffering. That is a great step I really support. Remember, you don't need other person to make closure. You don't need VENOM. When you fire that thing, you will feel just short feeling of fulfillment - very short. And then you will realize that this was weakness, that you sent that because you need closure that involves her.

But you already prove that you are on the right track, I can tell just by reading your post. That peace, forgiveness, real overview and awareness that you have people who love you... .  |iiii

Thank you both... .

Yes, tonight I think I'm feeling the benefits of detaching with love (most of the time) and dignity (strict nc) and I'm also feeling good at how I behaved when I saw her last week. I was very simply kind and pleasant. I have no idea how they read this behaviour from us, but I do know that it's the right thing to do... .

I have no idea what the future bring but I've burned enough bridges in my life and I have to remember this is a very damaged young lady who has had nothing but angry and abusive men. Perhaps in response to her own behaviour or not, I don't know I don't think I ever got the whole story. Regardless, she is unwell and I must find some compassion for her.

I'm sure the day will come, probably sooner rather than later when she will contact me... .I already have a sense that it's coming and I tend to always be right about these things... .kind of a sixth sense and I'm feeling in stronger by the day. I need to have the strength to do what's right for both of us and I think the only way to get that is through forgiveness.

Life is funny and the older I get, the more I realise I'm not really in charge. This woman came into my life for a reason and I think her role with me has yet to unfold and I have no idea what that is supposed to be. I do know that this has forced me to go away and take a very deep look at myself and what part I play in all of this and that just has to be a good thing... .for everyone, including her. I don't believe she's delusional and I don't think she ever really painted me black, perhaps her strange new friends have but I doubt she could, not really. I'm pretty sure I was everything she ever wanted... .she was just too frightened I'd leave... .quite sad for her really... .

Brab

I don't want to comment on your relationship. You are at this site because you are hurting and looking for answers and support like all of us here.

I am on the other side of the world to you, but I am a "brother in arms".

Thank you for doing the things that you have done to keep us free and safe. The pain here is nothing compared to the pain we would all feel if it wasn't for men like you that kept us all safe.

Thank you mate. You will get through this because we have your back.

Cheers

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"Life is funny and the older I get, the more I realise I'm not really in charge. This woman came into my life for a reason and I think her role with me has yet to unfold and I have no idea what that is supposed to be. I do know that this has forced me to go away and take a very deep look at myself and what part I play in all of this and that just has to be a good thing... ."



Thank you for writing that Brab, it's what I feel about my situation, but I've never before posted those feelings here. I realise that there were serious life's lessons to be learnt, that I was on a repeating loop and this time I must take a deep look, not just at my recent past but the whole panorama.

Like you, my intuition is well developed and I believe these things have reasons.

I am also in NC and am handling it best I can, in much the same way as you. Occasional destructive impulse, never carried out. Pleased that I am acting with grace and integrity; VENOM is self destructive, also disempowering.

Take care and best wishes to you on your journey.