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I can't tell if we are on our 2nd/3rd breakup cycle.

Or if this is our 10th.

We have been married most of the time.

We have never said let's breakup.

Though currently we separated to let our heads cool and rethink things.

There have been many fights with talk about divorce.

Is that a breakup cycle?

She stayed at a friends house for a few nights with the kids to cool down.

Is that a breakup cycle?

The words abandonment have only come up in the last few months.

I think within a marriage there is only one way to break up and that's divorce.

My partner married his wife, divorced his wife, married his wife again, and is divorcing her again to marry me.

That's a make up and break up cycle in a marriage.

I think what you are doing is just called fighting.

With my own marriage I divorced him once and I was done. That was breaking up.

Thanks, it was more of a curious question.

As if we weren't married, we would have probably broken up a few times (whether to get back together another story).

I wasn't sure in the terms of marriage that the cycle might present itself differently.

Prior to marriage there is not moral or legal obligation, when you are married you have moral and legal obligation to the other person. That is why it is advised to think very carefully about whether or not you want to marry someone. I am very fortunate in that if I marry my pwBPD I will know what I am getting  as opposed to when I married my ex I did not know he was sociopathic . I would never legally or morally obligate myself to another untreated disordered person again.