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It's been almost 2 months since I called it quits with my BPDexgf. The relationship ended after 3 years of torture, hundreds of red flags (almost daily) and many many many unanswered questions.

Since the breakup, I have been having reoccurring dreams about her. I've been asking her questions about what she's done, what she's been doing, and she's been answering them. Telling me she's lied, cheated on me. I even remember one dream about to turn sexual. She told me that nothing can happen because she feels "dirty and ashamed." In the dream I was confused... .Was this a "read between the lines answer?"

These dreams have been reoccurring every night. I wake up sad, depressed and mad.

Anyone else have these? And what are they really telling me? Is it just my brain processing all of the red flags/unanswered questions?

Yes, it's your mind reconciling what has happened.  Being involved with her for 3 years, not only are you trauma bonded but you're also probably suffering some sort of PTSD as well.  I'm not trying to diagnose, please understand.  Only a trained professional can do that, but it's not uncommon for those coming out of a r/s with a BPD to suffer through that.  After all, you've been through a stressful, traumatic event.  Some of us longer than others.

The dreams are all part of the mind trying to make sense of it all.  I had them and still do.  When I was in the heart of the storm, I had nightly nightmares about J.  I'm not out of the woods just yet, I had a dream about her last night.  It was a dream, not a nightmare, but I woke up sad and I miss her.  My question to myself is why do I miss her though?  Was it the drama of the r/s, the being in high alert all the time, having to walk on eggshells or suffer her ST wrath?  Is it because if I was a good little dog, she *might* throw me a bone to keep me around?  I mean, really, what is it that makes me miss that lifestyle?

Over time, the dreams will lessen.  As the FOG lifts, so will the reoccurring dreams.

I've done a topic about this subject. I have been in NC for 9 months now and just before the holidays I had many strange dreams about my exBPD. In these dreams she was crying and wanted me to contact her. Just today I had a weird dream about her it was like I received a text message on my phone which said that she want's to talk to me about what has happened.

The entire thing that I don't understand is that I really don't think too much about what has happened. In the beginning I did but I have accepted what has happend and that I will never be with her again. I have no idea what causes this, maybe there is something that talks to us trough our dreams about what you should do? I really have no idea but all I know is that I will never contact her again. Getting back to all that drama? Hell no.

They will become less frequent with time. I am almost 7 months out and the dreams still happen every few months. After she broke up with me, they were nightly. They started off as happy dreams but slowly turned to nightmares as I found out more about what she had done.

It is your brain trying to process the stuff that happened. It is very traumatic to go through what you have. I find that if I go to sleep thinking about her there's a good chance that I'll have a nightmare about her. I find it helps to do something to distract yourself from those thoughts as much as possible before you sleep, whether it be listening to music, reading etc.

I've moved on in non dream land from my ex wife and have a new gf of 8 months now whom I'm happy with but I still continue to dream of my ex every other night. The funny thing is, in my dreams, she's the woman I craved her to be or her at her very best, not the monstrous relationship I endured 90% of the time. I'm supposing it's my brain trying to heal my heart over my marriage break down but it does annoy me to have her occupying dream space when during the day I rarely think of her at all now.

Luckily my gf is understanding of what I went thru in my marriage and I can talk to her about the dreams, not all the details, can't remember all the details but as she had a relationship not too dissimilar she understands which is a huge help.

I'm not sure there is a way to turn the dreams off, I stopped dreaming of her for months, but the last couple of months the dreams are back with this weird new flavour instead of arguing, anxiety and unhappiness, my dreams play out situations and behaviours I so dearly did want.

Bizarre

<sub>Yes, it's your mind reconciling what has happened.  Being involved with her for 3 years, not only are you trauma bonded but you're also probably suffering some sort of PTSD as well.  I'm not trying to diagnose, please understand.  Only a trained professional can do that, but it's not uncommon for those coming out of a r/s with a BPD to suffer through that.  After all, you've been through a stressful, traumatic event.  Some of us longer than others.

The dreams are all part of the mind trying to make sense of it all.  I had them and still do.  When I was in the heart of the storm, I had nightly nightmares about J.  I'm not out of the woods just yet, I had a dream about her last night.  It was a dream, not a nightmare, but I woke up sad and I miss her.  My question to myself is why do I miss her though?  Was it the drama of the r/s, the being in high alert all the time, having to walk on eggshells or suffer her ST wrath?  Is it because if I was a good little dog, she *might* throw me a bone to keep me around?  I mean, really, what is it that makes me miss that lifestyle?

Over time, the dreams will lessen.  As the FOG lifts, so will the reoccurring dreams.

Posted on: Yesterday at 07:45:56 AM Posted by: FlyingJ

Insert Quote

It's been almost 2 months since I called it quits with my BPDexgf. The relationship ended after 3 years of torture, hundreds of red flags (almost daily) and many many many unanswered questions.

Since the breakup, I have been having reoccurring dreams about her. I've been asking her questions about what she's done, what she's been doing, and she's been answering them. Telling me she's lied, cheated on me. I even remember one dream about to turn sexual. She told me that nothing can happen because she feels "dirty and ashamed." In the dream I was confused... .Was this a "read between the lines answer?"

These dreams have been reoccurring every night. I wake up sad, depressed and mad.

Anyone else have these? And what are they really telling me? Is it just my brain processing all of the red flags/unanswered questions?</sub>

I see that I will be dreaming of my ex for some time. I hate having dreams with my ex. I just want to move on but i know is a process. Is like these dreams dont let me sleep though! My relationship lasted 5 years!and the more time that passes the more i find out and its like how much more do I have find out?can this nightmare be over already? :/ Yet i also feel like Lonely_Astro! I miss this person and is like what in the world can I possibly miss? being at the mercy of this person? being there like a hungry dog, waiting for a bone!