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Title: I'm angry at my dead BPD sister tonight Post by: ropend on January 16, 2016, 11:05:53 PM I endured decades of her claiming I was living off my parents in the cruelest terms she could use.
It's true they helped me financially at various times but no where near as much or as often as she claimed. The reality I've got a good job and I'm making a good income only became apparent and easily provable this month. She killed herself last fall. Title: Re: I'm angry at my dead BPD sister tonight Post by: Turkish on January 16, 2016, 11:42:14 PM It's still recent since she took her life away, ropend.
Do you feel that you are now is a place to prove beyond the shadow of doubt that you weren't who she said you were? Does this make you feel robbed? Title: Re: I'm angry at my dead BPD sister tonight Post by: ropend on January 17, 2016, 12:49:27 AM It's still recent since she took her life away, ropend. Do you feel that you are now is a place to prove beyond the shadow of doubt that you weren't who she said you were? Does this make you feel robbed? Badly robbed. Oh sure she'd have said garbage about how I couldn't have done it without "mommy and daddy's" help but frankly I would have welcomes such abuse if only to tell her that if she kept talking like that she could kiss off me ever giving her money. Title: Re: I'm angry at my dead BPD sister tonight Post by: Turkish on January 17, 2016, 02:09:57 AM I sounds like she tried to deal with her own shame, perhaps, by projecting it onto you.
How did the disposition of her things go, and how are you dealing with this with your parents? Title: Re: I'm angry at my dead BPD sister tonight Post by: Notwendy on January 17, 2016, 06:07:33 AM This is still recent, and you are grieving.
I would say, allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling, and not to feel badly for any of them. In a way, I think anger is a common reaction, but probably not one people talk about. I think people think that sadness is the appropriate emotion, but we have a whole range of them. My father, married to BPDmom, passed away at an old age. I found myself crying all the time, for months really, and also at times rage- screaming at the sky at him. I don't think it is possible for you to process feelings right now. I think it is OK to feel whatever you are feeling, to even "yell" at your sister, cry, rage, whatever you feel is what you feel. What your sister said had nothing to do with you. The origin of her words was out of sickness and her own inner pain. They hurt because she was hurting, and people who are hurting, can hurt other people too. Suicide is devastating, and for the surviving family, feels cruel. Although it seems appropriate to feel only sadness, anger is part of that too. Anger for the pain this caused your family. Anger at her for what she said, and ultimately, anger at the illness that cruelly shaped how she saw the world. What she said to you was through that warped filter. It isn't you, it was never you. And guilt. You might feel guilt that you survived, and are doing well, but you are you, not her, and so, you have every right to be who you are, feel your feelings, and yes, you will recover from this, albeit, the loss of someone close to us is not something we forget. Title: Re: I'm angry at my dead BPD sister tonight Post by: non_stuck on January 17, 2016, 07:06:50 PM Sometimes people grieve over what they lost, and sometimes they grieve over what was denied them. You may be experiencing grief over not having a more positive and supportive relationship that anyone would want. This is normal when someone loses a close family member who was seldom healthy. Be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with anyone in your life who wants to remember or imagine an idealized version of her. You and other people in your life have survived one of the worst case scenarios. Don't judge yourself.
I wish you peace and health. |