Title: Staying strong Post by: Deserter on January 17, 2016, 02:42:08 AM I have just ended a relationship of nearly 11 months with my boyfriend. He appears to be finally talking sense and says that he now agrees with the boundaries I have been trying to set including more 'space' He says he still loves me and texts me this every day. Everyone in my life except him says leaving was the right thing to do. I still love him and miss him. Help me stay strong? Xx
Title: Re: Staying strong Post by: C.Stein on January 17, 2016, 09:56:27 AM Welcome to BPD land.
If you feel comfortable doing so could you explain why you left him? Title: Re: Staying strong Post by: Deserter on January 17, 2016, 01:27:19 PM Welcome to BPD land. If you feel comfortable doing so could you explain why you left him? I imagine for the same reason as many. He was controlling moody and extremely needy. He had a major psychotic depression last year and an attempted suicide. I stood by him and loved him through all this, despite the mental abuse, accusations (he heard voices telling him I was cheating). We had major arguments but I knew he was very ill so I took it. He has recovered enough to return to work and his paranoia has almost gone. The combination of anti depressants and anti psychotics has had the desired effect. What is left is the clinging neediness, complete refusal to allow me any personal space. We did not live together, and I told him I was not ready , given the hurt we have both experienced and the fact that I have not had any space in my new house since moving in. If we were living together I would lose even more contact with my friends and family than I already have. My friends saw red flags even before he was ill. He hates my best friend because she supported me all through the rough patches. My marriage ended just over a year before I met him, and I was honest from the start that I would never marry again. He is quite overly demanding sexually and is angry with me that there is one taboo that I refuse to let go - only one! And I know from my girlfriends that I am not alone in this. I felt violated, to the point when it feels like rape. I am not prudish or frigid but whilst he has three or four days of a week I usually only have one. I have other things to do sometimes. At 51 I do not necessarily want sex every day. He is so needy that 'not tonight' was taken as rejection and he would sulk. I can't live like that any more. I feel sad, guilty and torn. He texts and or calls every day but I then have to keep repeating that I don't want to go back. It's upsetting for us both. I don't have'someone else' as he accuses. I just want 'me' back. Sorry for the long rambling reply. Title: Re: Staying strong Post by: C.Stein on January 19, 2016, 11:36:11 AM I imagine for the same reason as many. He was controlling moody and extremely needy. He had a major psychotic depression last year and an attempted suicide. I stood by him and loved him through all this, despite the mental abuse, accusations (he heard voices telling him I was cheating). We had major arguments but I knew he was very ill so I took it. He has recovered enough to return to work and his paranoia has almost gone. The combination of anti depressants and anti psychotics has had the desired effect. What is left is the clinging neediness, complete refusal to allow me any personal space. We did not live together, and I told him I was not ready , given the hurt we have both experienced and the fact that I have not had any space in my new house since moving in. If we were living together I would lose even more contact with my friends and family than I already have. My friends saw red flags even before he was ill. He hates my best friend because she supported me all through the rough patches. My marriage ended just over a year before I met him, and I was honest from the start that I would never marry again. He is quite overly demanding sexually and is angry with me that there is one taboo that I refuse to let go - only one! And I know from my girlfriends that I am not alone in this. I felt violated, to the point when it feels like rape. I am not prudish or frigid but whilst he has three or four days of a week I usually only have one. I have other things to do sometimes. At 51 I do not necessarily want sex every day. He is so needy that 'not tonight' was taken as rejection and he would sulk. I can't live like that any more. I feel sad, guilty and torn. He texts and or calls every day but I then have to keep repeating that I don't want to go back. It's upsetting for us both. I don't have'someone else' as he accuses. I just want 'me' back. Sorry for the long rambling reply. No reason to be sorry. It is tough to rationalize irrational behavior and there was a lot of it you were dealing with. I know I have had an exceptionally difficult time doing it myself. I think you set some good boundaries that were very healthy for not only you but the relationship, and probably good for him as well. How do you feel now? How do you plan on finding a way back to yourself? Title: Re: Staying strong Post by: Deserter on January 21, 2016, 01:45:32 PM I am doing OK. Still need to start doing the things on my list. I have just retreated at the moment. Gathering my thoughts and feelings before tackling the challenge of a new life. Have had to go no contact as I think my trying to be kind has given him false hope. It still hurts.
Title: Re: Staying strong Post by: Mr. Magnet on January 21, 2016, 02:56:06 PM so sick of this crap, last week she is kissing on me telling me she doesn't want to get divorced and today we are back to straight up hate
i know its all mind games what a mess |