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Until now, I held out every hope for us. I'm devastated. And the way she twisted everything to make it sound like it is all my fault is eating away at me. I'm so angry and sad. I don't know what to think. I hate myself.

hey muradin 

im sorry to hear youre hurting.


can you tell us a bit more? what happened?

I asked her to stop filing for divorce and go back to counseling with me. She just poured on the hurt for 4 days, the most hurtful messages I've ever read and I want to dwell on the worst parts of them. I feel like a terrible person. I miss her so much. I feel like she's trapped herself in all these lies and all I want to do is help her. I feel completely helpless.

It is very difficult to understand their logic. I know the twisting tricks. After a while it becomes totally predictable. But it still doesn't make any sense. Today my ex gf did something and got in a bad situation. Her reaction was to say it's all my fault. I suppose we have to accept that it's an illness and normal behavior will be rare.

I don't understand why it hurts so much. All I could think about a few weeks ago was the fear and how badly I needed to be out of it. Now I just miss her and I want to rescue her so badly. I don't know how to process all these feelings.

I understand wanting to rescue, and it's hard to stay away.  Maybe later I will be able to articulate the major drama that has erupted over here, but it has to do with the desire to rescue her again.  And feeling sympathetic toward her situation.  But then more serious lies came to light and it really never will end.  I can see that, in my case, she has created such a tangled web of lies that I cannot really know which statements are fact and which are lies.  Unless I have strong evidence, which of course she is not capable of providing most of the time.  Anyway, I wish you well.  It's not easy.