BPDFamily.com

Hi I dated a BPD gf for about a year and a half.she was aware she had BPD.our relationship had its ups and downs l.but also in my mind made us very close.she became my best friend.the worst thing that I could say is that we're done.then one day she went to her mom's for a few days and she became distant.i messaged her and she said she didn't want to talk she needed space.that turned into completely ignoring me.so I sent her many texts confused.so finally she sent me angry texts telling her to leave her alone so I did very confused. Then out the blue she texted me with evil texts saying I hope u kill yourself you loser.im having good sec right now.go play in traffic I'm like what the heck?

That's certainly a confusing interaction 

So you said first,."we're done." ? If so, what led up to this?

T.

What lead up to the distance because we were both trying to find a place to move.she started the breakup without any real explanation.so I kinda harassed her because I needed closure.and her response was angry leave me alone.as tough as that was I stopped contact then about a week later I got them evil messages

she started the breakup without any real explanation.so I kinda harassed her because I needed closure.and her response was angry leave me alone.as tough as that was I stopped contact then about a week later I got them evil messages

----Why did she get mad when you needed closure?  Why did she want you to leave her alone?

---Evil messages sound like she was splitting you black

While we can certainly contribute to the dysregilation of a person with BPD, the extreme bahaviors and acting out are more about their dysfunctional coping mechanisms. She may be used to volitility, and when you went no contact to distance yourself, it triggered her anadonment fears. Telling you to go kill yourself (in effect), is uncalled for, certainly. You did what she asked, but it triggered her anyway.

Healthy seperations usually have a mutual agreement, with the break or space defined, even loosely, like, "ok, I'll text you in a week to talk," or something similar. But that's not what happened. Like shatra said, she's likely split you (see here  (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62033.0) for more on splitting).

Is this what you're strugglng with the most, closure?

What would closure look like to you?

I just wanted a reason for such the drastic change.and if this relationship was over for good.I was so confused.I think by me being confused it made her so mad she started to just hate me.but for some reason no matter how much anger she lashes out at me, I continue to love and care for her

What lead up to the distance because we were both trying to find a place to move.

This ^^^^ might be what caused her to abandon the relationship. Were y'all moving in together? Had y'all lived together prior to this move? These types of commitments often trigger engulfment in a pwBPD and they'll create distance in the relationship in order to ease the engulfment.

Your being confused was/is normal because what you were exposed to was her maladapted coping mechanisms in her attempting to regulate herself. In other words, don't beat yourself up about being confused and don't feel guilty thinking that your confusion is what pushed her away. She caused the confusion; therefore, let her be responsible for it.