BPDFamily.com

How are these two things related?  They may not be, but I think they indicate effort.  Effort towards what, not sure.  Hopefully you guys can guide and challenge me.


There is a local church that is big, maybe the biggest "biblical counseling" place in the region.  Region would be multi-state.  She has signed us up over there.  Hmm, been years since we went down that path.  Will ponder that some today and post more.

She is still asleep on the couch, TV is on.   Looks like she was there all night.  I wasn't disturbed (a very good sign  |iiii) and feel very awake this morning.  At some point during the night somebody stuffed a towel around the bottom of the bedroom door.

I'm guessing an effort to control sound.

Thoughts?

FF

Both developments seem really positive FF. Selecting a counselor is a far cry from an attorney. And my first hit on the towel thing is that it's a considerate gesture to keep the noise down for you. Might be nice to make a point of noticing and thanking her for it.

Chump

They indicate effort to me as well, but I would make plans ahead of time for a possible weekend of 'letting her hair down' with her family again.

What plans are you going to make for yourself knowing what might occur? How could you deal with this ahead of time?

I can't remember how long since you actually moved in, but it's very early days yet.

This coming weekend will be the third weekend in the house.

My plan revolves around maximizing my sleep as I have chances to get it and trying to accomplish what I can around the house.

Communication was full of contempt and strain this morning.  There was some pot of a dip or something that I asked about.  It was made and has been sitting out since the weekend.  I asked an open ended question about if she cared what happened with it. 

"Normally people put stuff like that in the fridge so it won't spoil, but you can do whatever you like with it."

I thought about labeling it as talk full of contempt, but just disengaged.  I believe I said "I see, " or something like that.


FF

I agree.  Thought about trying to say something this morning, but with the strain that was evident, I decide to not engage her on anything.

If she is in a better mood when she comes home, I will definitely thank her.

Will try to be careful to not come off as smart ass and say "Thank you for letting me sleep" or something like that.

FF

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=273415.msg12586025#msg12586025

The link above is one I found on another board. I'm ok with validating, open ended questions etc, but the idea of validating questions really appealed to me.

I'm practising with my son as well. I tried some on my h this morning, they went quite well.

Make sure you have a clear plan of action for dysregulated behaviour and that of her FOO. You have lots of info now about triggers, red flags, stressors, flashpoints etc.

So are her family coming at the w/e would it be useful to know today Wednesday so you can make informed decisions about protecting you?

For me being proactive in times of high stress for my h really helped me be less reactionary when his dysregulated behavior hit nuclear.