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Even though my relationship with my ex was hostile and I spent the last 8 months walking on eggshells with her I experienced some of the greatest highs in my life (emotionally). She brought out a side of me and comfort level that nobody ever did for me. I love her with all my heart and I would if given anything to be with her but she's now shut me out like I'm to blame for all that happened even though she admits mistreating me. Will anyone without BPD every bring that joyful guy that I was with her out? This is a pain worse than any dagger and what's worse is no one can see how much it hurts. Please anyone who's made it through has anyone found that kind of joy again?

I know it's hard. I am 9mo out and was cut off cold and replaced. I am dating again. For me it's not the same. This man treats me like gold and all I can think about is this terrible ex who treated me like dog ___.

Being removed from the relationship I can say it does get better. You will gain more clarity as you go and the longer there is no contact the more you will be able to gain closure (of some sort).

We ruminate because we have our own issues. We want something that is bad for us. Something that hurts us. Why? In my case it makes me feel something.

I likely have BPD traits having been raised by a BPD mother who cruely cut me off three years ago. She throws out feelers every now and then and then pulls it all away.

I have learned a lot about myself this past year.

Don't beat yourself up. Don't let the words of others on this site beat you up. Life is hard enough. The only advice I can impart is do the work on yourself. When I think of her I am finally at that point I think of her with kindness and well wishes. To wish her and her new partner misfortune only hurts me. I've learned this in dealing with my mom, she will always be my mother. I love her. If she was broke, homeless and destitute I would help her.

But I can keep her at a distance. I do not need to tolerate not accept her emotional abuse.

Be kind to yourself and don't rush into dating to quell your feelings of loss. This is a loss. A loss of expectations and hopes you had for a person that was never going to be able to fulfill them.

When you do date... .be gentle.  I caught myself pushing my boyfriend emotionally as he got closer. I have been honest with myself and him (he knows about my ex) and he has been nothing but loving and supporting, something I was not accustomed to.

When it's the right person you will fall in love again. It will feel strange because you were addicted to the chaos of your past relationship.

Relax. It will pass.

Time heals.

PW

(Hugs to you)

A bit of advice from someone a few months in.  Avoid highs and lows for a while.  Try to let your life be as "normal" as possible for a while.  Get bored and be okay with it.  This will help your brain chemistry even out so that you are better able to recognize the things you really care about.  You might be surprised to find, after a while, that your ex isn't high on the list.

You are a very kind and sweethearted person, this was the best reply I ever had. Thank you so much!

Thank you for your reply, I'm gonna try my best to take things slow and easy going. I got so used to driving 5 hours to see her that I got used to traveling and being spontaneous.

Of course you will love again ... how can you not? You are love ... not loving again is not possible.

Be discerning though ... only give your love to those that appreciate and reciprocate.

I agree with pretty women, take some time to look after yourself and reflect on things. Then only date when you feel your head and heart is more clear. Dont worry I am sure you will love again :) and now you will know all the signs of this disorder so you won't go through this again.