|
Title: Just found out: After 2 weeks she had another guy (Devestated) Post by: Musicmaker1 on January 20, 2016, 05:01:46 AM After a relationship of almost 3 years and a marriage of 1 year, last october I couldn't hold on any longer and I broke up with my BPD wife. All the insults, the lies, painting me black, the pulling and pushing... .I was broken down and I had to protect myself. To read my whole story, check out my topic here:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=287599.0 So yesterday I was browsing through the pictures on the website of a club in the city center here. Turns out she's already hanging out with another guy (more than just friendly). The earliest picture was dated only 2 weeks after we broke up. That was another big hit in my face. She's clubbing with him quite often, there's pictures of them almost every week. Because I did alot of research since the break-up, I knew this is very typical thing for BPD people, but it still hurts like hell. My head knows that she's just moved on to her next victim and I should feel happy that it's over with her... .but that's not how I feel. I feel even more betrayed, screwed by her. I feel devestated. Do some of you have any tips/suggestions on how to deal with seeing your ex-BPD partner with another one so quickly? I was slowly starting to heal up, to recover from everything that has happened and I feel like this has set me back several steps. Title: Re: Just found out: After 2 weeks she had another guy (Devestated) Post by: enlighten me on January 20, 2016, 05:17:49 AM Theres no quick fix for this. I have contact with both my uBPD exs as we have children together. My ex wife has remarried and I hardly think about her and Im not in the least triggered by her husband.
My exgf is on her second boyfriend (that I know of) since we split. It does give me a little pang when she posts things about them but nowhere near as bad as in the beginning. I think for me the exgf situation is harder as I don't think the relationships will last so I will no doubt see a lot of the idolisation phase with her future relationships. The thing that helps me is knowing that it is a cycle that repeats itself. With my ex wife I think I am less bothered as the idolisation phase is well and truly over so its not getting thrust in my face. She actually hates her husband or so her mum has told me. One thing I will add though is that the more contact you have the less triggering it becomes. Some people here don't have to see their exs ever again so they can go NC and just forget about them. For others who have children, work with them or are constantly bumping into them then we don't have that luxury. We just have to suck it up and let time and education make it less painful. Title: Re: Just found out: After 2 weeks she had another guy (Devestated) Post by: Caley on January 20, 2016, 06:05:42 AM My take on this would be ...
Firstly, everything you are going through right now is a natural emotional and human reaction to this kind of treatment. Secondly, it really is OK to be feeling these things. Try not to resist these feelings, sensings and emotions ... face them fully with an acceptance that they are there in these moments. None of these thoughts, feelings/emotions can overpower you ... they will subside. Accept that they are there but also try to not attribute any story to them. You'll see, soon enough, that you begin to feel stronger. Thirdly, the 'New Target' ... .think of it like a 'pass the baton' relay race. You've now passed the baton onto the 'New Guy' and it is his turn now to go around the track and get nowhere. Very soon ... unless he is completely willing to sacrifice his right to live happily and peacefully, he'll be just where you are now in a few months/years from now. So, now that you've passed this burden on ... make a promise to yourself not to have the baton passed back to you ... zero contact from now on. This is the highest form of love that you can give to yourself ... and, if you can do this, you'll look back and be very pleased that you did. Best wishes. Title: Re: Just found out: After 2 weeks she had another guy (Devestated) Post by: Musicmaker1 on January 20, 2016, 11:56:43 AM Thank you so much for your answers. In no way or shape do I have the wish for her to come back in my life. Regardless of the love I still feel for her... .this snake is not coming back in my life, I deserve better. And I have to trust that time will erase my love for her, so that she will only be a bad memory in a while.
Seeing the pictures with another guy, just 2 WEEKS after we broke up however... .it fills me with hate. Hate is something I rarely ever feel and it costs alot of energy. I hope this hate will subside quickly too. |