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Title: Divorce Was The Best Thing I Have Done For Myself Post by: ATLandon on January 20, 2016, 09:14:34 AM Hey all. Its been some months since I've logged on here and added to the conversations. My ex-uBPDw and I separated a little over a year ago when I found out she was cheating on me with one of my close friends who also happened to be our housemate at the time. She then tried to persuade (force) me into an open relationship with her and said friend Obviously, there was a lot of crazy-making I was willing to endure over the years while being with her but that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I told her they both had a couple weeks to find a new place and get out. I had not seen either of them since then until last month at the divorce hearing.
And, of course, in her true drama mama fashion she brought the guy she was cheating on me with to our divorce hearing. I wasn't surprised really but I did find it laughable and slightly ridiculous. Anyways! I'm divorced, free and clear with no further obligations to my ex and it feels really, REALLY good. Even better than I thought it would. For months friends and family had been telling how I would feel just soo relieved once the divorce was finalized and I'd smile, nod, and agree politely. All the while thinking to myself none of them knew the extent of the mayhem I went through and honestly didn't think I'd feel much. I can honestly say now though that things are much better on the other side of the fence. I'm also glad that I took a long separation from my ex-uBPDw to work on myself and get to know who I am again. It gave me the time and space to work on being a better me and feeling out life without her while still knowing in the back of my mind that I could always reach out to her if I didn't want to go through with the divorce. Fortunately for me, time spent with family and friends and having a peaceful atmosphere to come home to every day only proved more and more that I was doing the right thing. The longer I'm out of that relationship and keep my guard up against people who thrive on chaos, the happier I become. A lot has changed over the past few years. My financial means are very modest and I might have to file for bankruptcy later this year (due to my ex's spending during our marriage that fell on my shoulders) but this is the happiest I've been in over a decade and I have my family back. I wouldn't trade that for anything. Title: Re: Divorce Was The Best Thing I Have Done For Myself Post by: Notsurewhattothinkofthis on January 20, 2016, 01:32:32 PM Hey all. Its been some months since I've logged on here and added to the conversations. My ex-uBPDw and I separated a little over a year ago when I found out she was cheating on me with one of my close friends who also happened to be our housemate at the time. She then tried to persuade (force) me into an open relationship with her and said friend Obviously, there was a lot of crazy-making I was willing to endure over the years while being with her but that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I told her they both had a couple weeks to find a new place and get out. I had not seen either of them since then until last month at the divorce hearing. And, of course, in her true drama mama fashion she brought the guy she was cheating on me with to our divorce hearing. I wasn't surprised really but I did find it laughable and slightly ridiculous. Anyways! I'm divorced, free and clear with no further obligations to my ex and it feels really, REALLY good. Even better than I thought it would. For months friends and family had been telling how I would feel just soo relieved once the divorce was finalized and I'd smile, nod, and agree politely. All the while thinking to myself none of them knew the extent of the mayhem I went through and honestly didn't think I'd feel much. I can honestly say now though that things are much better on the other side of the fence. I'm also glad that I took a long separation from my ex-uBPDw to work on myself and get to know who I am again. It gave me the time and space to work on being a better me and feeling out life without her while still knowing in the back of my mind that I could always reach out to her if I didn't want to go through with the divorce. Fortunately for me, time spent with family and friends and having a peaceful atmosphere to come home to every day only proved more and more that I was doing the right thing. The longer I'm out of that relationship and keep my guard up against people who thrive on chaos, the happier I become. A lot has changed over the past few years. My financial means are very modest and I might have to file for bankruptcy later this year (due to my ex's spending during our marriage that fell on my shoulders) but this is the happiest I've been in over a decade and I have my family back. I wouldn't trade that for anything. I am glad to hear this. I broke up with me crazy ex 3 1/2 months ago and slowly I am getting better. I know what you mean by getting home from work and there is this lingering peace when I get home. There is no tension what I am going to do wrong next. It is a nice feeling ! I am slowly getting physically and mentally stronger. My drama is gone and I love it. Take care. Title: Re: Divorce Was The Best Thing I Have Done For Myself Post by: KaishaMikasa on January 20, 2016, 10:43:06 PM I just started the divorce process a couple of months ago from my wife of nearly 18 years. I couldn't agree more about how peaceful it is around the house. Nit is not just me that notices it either. My sons who after mediation last week will be with me more than 70% of the time have mentioned it as well. In the past they would stay I their rooms and play games now they are downstairs with me watching movies and helping cook. It is sad that the only drama in their lives and mine start and end with her. She has been busy texting me and showing up at my house but I have been maintaining my boundaries. She has a boyfriend who she met prior to our separation who is a huge downgrade and that is keeping her quieter. What has surprised me is that I am actually not lonely. In fact, I was lonely when we were married but not now. I wish she would just go away so we don't have to put up with the drama. When my sons are with her she is finding every reason to send them back home even when I am out of town. My guess is so she can pursue the new love interest and I am hoping she loses interest in us soon.
Title: Re: Divorce Was The Best Thing I Have Done For Myself Post by: Teereese on January 20, 2016, 11:03:18 PM Anyways! I'm divorced, free and clear with no further obligations to my ex and it feels really, REALLY good. Even better than I thought it would. For months friends and family had been telling how I would feel just soo relieved once the divorce was finalized and I'd smile, nod, and agree politely. All the while thinking to myself none of them knew the extent of the mayhem I went through and honestly didn't think I'd feel much. I can honestly say now though that things are much better on the other side of the fence. I'm also glad that I took a long separation from my ex-uBPDw to work on myself and get to know who I am again. It gave me the time and space to work on being a better me and feeling out life without her while still knowing in the back of my mind that I could always reach out to her if I didn't want to go through with the divorce. Fortunately for me, time spent with family and friends and having a peaceful atmosphere to come home to every day only proved more and more that I was doing the right thing. The longer I'm out of that relationship and keep my guard up against people who thrive on chaos, the happier I become. A lot has changed over the past few years. My financial means are very modest and I might have to file for bankruptcy later this year (due to my ex's spending during our marriage that fell on my shoulders) but this is the happiest I've been in over a decade and I have my family back. I wouldn't trade that for anything. Welcome back and thank you! I am coming towards the end of the divorce process and you sharing your experience helps me. I appreciate the increased peace and limited chaos and crazy making. He cannot live without chaos and crazy but at least it is minimized and buffered by my attorney. It is good to know that despite changes (finances being a big one) it feels good on the other side. I have found myself agreeing politely when family and friends tell me how relieved I will be once this is over and done. My mind cannot believe it until it experiences it. I have been separated for 7 months and am just going with the process. I am hoping divorce gives me the finality that I have been needing. For you, enjoy your happiness and family ☺ |