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A lot of what is suggested on these boards is to take time out for yourself. I am just wondering if I should try harder. I read which I get a lot of joy from but I think it is as much as an escape as drinking although a lot healthier. So much of my time spent with my husband is watching TV. In the winter that is literally the only thing we do and I get so sick of it. My husband has become very depressed, it happens in the winter but he seems to think he is better in the summer but not much, there is just more chores for him to complain about doing.

So is taking time for yourself the same as basically escaping from your crappy every day life. I read because I can be in a different world. I come out of it relaxed (I am a total introvert) But then I go back to real life and I think it depresses me even more. I could be on a bit of a high from reading a good book and go interact with my husband and it just makes me really sad. I do art things as well but it is harder to do because I need more time to actually do them. I don't have any friends, I was always a very shy stand offish person so I didn't have many friends to begin with when I met my husband, he pushed the only one I had away (she made it easy). I could hang out with my mother and brother but they drink too much. My husband often wants to go over there and I want to leave pretty quickly after because I am always the designated driver. And who likes being sober around drunk people. Not me. 

So what is taking time for yourself look like? I always find ways to find a bit of time for me, taking a long bath with music, watching a movie I really enjoy, I often watch the same movies over that I like. I guess I am just struggling with depression myself and not sure what to think of it. I always look for a distraction, my house is often a mess, although I do clean once a week. How do you take time for yourself.

I love reading and also I am an active person, so I like going out for a run or a bike ride out in the fresh air.

However, I feel guilty spending the time out of the house, as my uBPw and I have a toddler who needs to be looked after, and she sends me on a guilt trip if I don't spend every moment of my free time helping her with housework - even though I do well more than my fair share.

So, sadly, often I can't relax in my house and feel like I can do the things I enjoy in my free time.

I'm a big reader too, but my H doens't like it when I read during "unauthorized" reading times (i.e. not right before bed when he is supposed to read too).

I'm very involved in my church. I go to various functions and I'm about to start leading a women's group. In the past this women's group has been such a good time.

I also like to shop, when I have extra money. Or I'll go get a pedicure in the summer. Sometimes I'll set up a coffee date with a girlfriend.

My H and I also get into the slump of just watching Netflix every single night. Since the beginning of January we have been TV free. We have been playing cards or board games together. On Thursdays we are even trying to learn a new language together. We made this a temporary goal so we would be forced to interact with each other. We have both really enjoyed this time because we have gotten to know each other again. I think once we get back to TV we will limit it to 2-3 times per week and other things every other night a week.

With my husband's depression he often sleeps for long periods of time and he also doesn't help with anything. He's being a super jerk today. Tells me our dog puked on the bed and I said it would be nice if you threw the stuff in the washing machine. He responds "that would be nice". Which is his middle finger at me because he's been a jerk all day. I look forward to when he goes to sleep. Which I think is kind of sad but he never leaves the house, so that is the only time I have the house to myself in a way. When it is nicer out it is less of a problem because I can go outside but it's 10 degrees outside and snowing.

I spend my free time on my phone, playing video games or reading random stuff. My wife hates it, but she also hates it if I leave the house or anything. We are both introverts, but when she is disregulating it is hard to do anything. I will go shoot a basketball at the gym (1 minute from my apt) sometimes, or go to another room and watch tv. I need to do a better job of keeping my head straight and clearing my mind.

It is a tough scenario, because (at least in my situation), if I do anything for myself I am selfish and do not care. It is a catch-22.

My Mrs hates it when I even so much as look at my phone.  "Who are you sending messages to?", she snaps.  Relax, I'm just playing solitaire.  Psycho. (I don't say that last part!)

I used to be a huge reader, but now most of my reading I do online. I love, love, love to research things. Reading has always been an escape, and I can't imagine life without words, and being able to read. I also love to cook and thrift shop. In the summer, I love going to walks.

This is the first relationship I've been in where I've really learned to take care of myself. I about had a nervous breakdown because I wasn't, I was so focused on just keeping things together, until I almost broke. Now, I don't get that upset or focused on the issues of others. I mean, I come here to vent, or get ideas, but when I'm not on here, I'm in the "now", and have learned to really just enjoy whatever I'm doing. Being in the now, whether it's cooking or shopping, or going for a walk and noticing things around me.

Like you though, when I do try to interact with BPDh when I'm feeling all good from my activity, it's often a let down. It's like he's a negative energy force field, and he can suck all the joy out of life with his negativity, and anger. Or I just get frustrated because he's so hard to interact with. He really doesn't want to interact, actually. Unless it's something he needs or wants to discuss, then he's way more animated, but that rarely happens.

I've gotten very good at doing things for ME, but it's still lonely. If I were single, I probably would just expect loneliness to some extent(although I think lonely is somewhat of a mindset). And I'm thinking of joining a few more activities, to fight the loneliness.

I don't touch my phone when he is around. He always asks "Who are you texting" I used to read on my phone through the kindle app but that would lead to him thinking I was chatting with someone  . So I stick to regular books. My husband however will bury his nose in his phone for hours at a time, such a double standard. He can often be jealous of the books I read too.

My husband had gotten into some trouble with the law and I got 4 months to myself while they did a mental evaluation. I rather enjoyed the time I got to myself. As a teen I didn't have many friends and my parents fought a lot so I spent a lot of time alone in my room with my own thoughts. I rather enjoy it, I have always been one to enjoy alone time. I don't get enough of it because my husband never leaves the house. I missed him a lot, but I just love to be alone. Is that weird?