BPDFamily.com

Hey guys and girls,

was best friends with this girl and then she made a move on me from the friend zone to a relationship. Knew something wasnt completely right with the relationship because the first night we hooked up she cried and hugged me and told me not to leave her. but she was my best friend so i felt so bad and we ended up dating for a little less than a year. had some awesome times... Went through a couple break ups, felt really guilty about each time but finally we mutually agreed to end it. this was in october.

I really missed her... blocked her on social media. she then texted me saying hey i saw you blocked me do whatever it takes. i didnt respond and she said the next day ï hope you didnt block me bec what if i need you". Saw that made me realize maybe she misses me too nd i said i didnt i just couldnt stop thinking about you... .tried to meet up with her after class at our college two weeks later and she said she wouldnt take me back. and doesnt see us together anytime soon I was crushed, she went from making me feel like i was her knight in shining armor to like we never had anything. Was so upset, i found out she started bangin some older dude three weeks after we broke up. They still are together i think and she'll hit me up like once every three weeks, just "checking in" One night she even drunk called me but i was asleep. she was probably embarrassed and felt like she lost her power of rejection so she texted me for like a week just asking about me and ___ and i knew she was with this older dude.

I ___ed up and drunk called her three days later because i felt like she must still care if she drunk called me. After I did, she didnt contact me for three weeks, i had to get over her again during that time. But she just called me this saturday and left a voice mail just checking in. I didnt respond until the next day and texted her and said im good, hope you are... thats all is said- she didnt respond. I just saw a pic of her and the older new bf and her on facebook. Its real hard to get over this girl who i didnt even realize had BPD til after the relationship. I wonder when she'll hit me up again or if its going to work out between her and this dude who has ten years older than her

I just want to get her and this new dude out of my head... like she's playing mind games with me and i dont know how to just move the ___ on from thinking about her it sucks. Any wisdom on the matter or insight would help me alot thanks.

Here is what worked for me.

I blocked her on social media.

I blocked her number so no calls or texts.

I deleted her texts.

I forward any email from her to a good friend so he can decide if I should see it or not.

I asked mutual friends to not inform me of anything new that they hear or know of about her.

Only after quitting adding fuel to my mental fire did it start to die down. It didn't go away, but the raging, uncontrollable chaos of it is gone. 

Without going NC my pain was like a fist I had tightly held in my chest. After about a month the fist started to open up again. The soreness and pain is still there, but the clouds are starting to clear.

I loved her intensely, but that love prevented me from seeing what was happening and kept me from being able to deal with it on any level other than suffering her whims.

Distance has given me clarity to see that she was using me. That her needs and unstable emotions kept her from ever being able to get past that to truly appreciate who I was to her other than a source of affirmation and ego boosting. It's sad as hell, but at least I see it now, and I can start to deal with it.

She is broken, and I can't fix her. Nothing I did would have changed my fate with her had I stayed. It just would have gotten more painful and more protracted, and I would have been throwing my time away on someone who is incapable of the love I want and deserve.

After making the very painful steps of NC, it all started to get better. There are literally millions of women out there. Someone better is waiting for us.

Take the time. Heal. Focus on fixing what you can of your own issue, then walk down the road to a better life.

Well I would start with no contact. Seems like you are leaving communication lines open. That is not a good way to get over someone. You haven't been broken up for that long so what you are feeling is completely normal. It sounds like you broke up mutually? It also sounds like you want her back? If you are serious about getting her out of your head then you should keep busy. Work out, pick up a hobby (or resume one you gave up during the relationship), and do things you love doing. It will take awhile for the wounds to heal but the quicker you go no contact and realize it is over, the faster you will feel better.

Thanks for this post - this is EXACTLY how I felt about my exBPD and what I've realized since the breakup.  I've done the same things with regard to no contact.  If I see anything about her, it takes me right back to day 1 again almost, so right now I'm basically hiding from the world a little bit, like a wounded animal, but I can feel that I'm healing slowly because I have ZERO contact and not exposing myself to more hurt.  Licking my wounds in my cave.