BPDFamily.com

So I am having a problem here. Ex continues to publically defame and smear me all over the internet. These are things that can hurt my career and professional reputation. Any idea why it continues or what I can do about it? I have left him alone for over 9 months.

What is he doing?

Bottom line BB: he is thinking about you.

He is advertising my prostitution services on Craigslist. I did a search of myself after my email box began to fill up with responses. I notified Craigslist and they removed the offending ad. I have no proof he did it, of course but who else would? Another do not call board with my phone number said "this number is blocked everywhere to prevent the ridiculous notion such an incredible, good looking person would ever want you back"  Uh, ok. Again I contacted the web administrator and had the information removed.

Does radical acceptance mean I finally say 'que sera sera'?  I am starting to wonder if he can really even help it. 

I would think that craigslist would have to have a name and email of the person posting the ad in the first place... .to prevent this sort of thing.

Craigslist does not work that way unfortunately.

Damn BB ... .when will it stop?  Unbelievable! 

That's just horrible... .really horrible.

 I may be black forever. Has this ever happened to you?

Did this happen a while back?

I believe I have been painted black forever, out of necessity so she can feel good about herself.

skip: yes and again recently. I don't understand why I remain a trigger, maybe I never will. How does one get to the point of radical acceptance?  This still affects me because I let it

C.Stein: she could have reacted that way out of shame too? What do you think.

JRT: well I guess that is one way to look at it. He's thinking of me alright, just not in the way I had hoped.

Blue:  How are things going there with you?

I think that part of radical acceptance is radically accepting oneself too. For me that meant facing the emotions that made me feel seriously uneasy. 

Maybe you're letting it impact you. Or maybe you're meant to gain some new learning about yourself. What can you pull out of "this still affects me" so that you benefit? Use this experience so that it makes you stronger.

Just trying to understand... .  someone has placed two Craigslist's ads for sex partners and the responses are going to your email address?

Did these two ads use your name and photo?

Won't changing your email address end it?

You may just want to ignore it because sending him a cease and desist letter via a lawyer may just trigger him to do more.  If not, some cities have criminal "False Personation" or similar laws and if yours does you can certainly contact your police department and file a report.  If the detective is committed enough they can prove it is him via IP address.

It is possible that plays a part.  She feels this need to be seen as a good person, both by herself and others.  Some of the things she has done to me would not be seen as those a good person would do so in order to maintain her own illusion she has painted me black and that will never change. 

I ended up having to get a restraining order after seven months of this sort of behavior on the part of my ex.  He had started to send threats and vile messages to the social media accounts that I have to run for my job, and indicated that he had no intention of stopping, ever.  Severe BPD + sociopathy + psychosis = my ex, trying to pretend to be human, even as he steals photos from other women's instagram accounts and reposts them to make it appear that they are in sexual relationships (they have never met him, and live nowhere near him, are in relationships of their own, have *children*) and, wholesale invents his entire life.  I don't think he'll ever stop, because he is completely divorced from reality.  I don't know if your ex is the same, but, the obsession/fixation that prompts him to continue to try to reach out and hurt you after nine months leads me to believe they share a similar level of dysfunction.

Yes, 2 years after break up, still black, and with the time I am painted more and more black.

I wonder more about this very thing... .why would they continue to paint someone black increasingly?

I think for mine, at least, because anything that resembled a normal life was fiction, and existed solely online, the fact that I was real, and actually dated/saw him, and then rejected him, is what leads him to continue to lash out--I have to be bad/horrible/wrong/crazy or else it would force him to examine his actual behavior, versus his constructed reality.  If I'm not bad, then he is the... .thing he tries to avoid seeing himself as, who steals other people's lives/bodies and uses them as tools to construct his projected sense of self.  Severe BPD includes an inability to hold a fixed, true sense of self, or, self identity--painting those black who have 'seen' you and seen that about you and have chosen not to be with you exacerbates their fear, typically the result of childhood abuse/trauma that there is something fundamentally wrong with them that makes them unlovable or not real.  Sadly, all that the 'paint it black' behavior does is reinforce the dissociation from reality that makes it hard for them to experience genuine connection or feelings with others in the first place.

With the advice of my therapist, I contacted my some of my business contacts, my ex-husband and some other people to whom I didn't want to be smeared - for professional reasons and said that I was "briefly involved" with a person with a Cluster B disorder giving a brief (very brief) impression about some of his behaviours (I also told them that it was difficult for me to approach them like this but was advised by a health professional - basically I hid behind my therapist:)) I asked them to contact me if someone approached them about me and it worked really well. People were more understanding than I would imagine - but I work in a relaxed field of work- and some told me that they would inform me if anyone contacted them even before I asked for it. I felt safer and more empowered afterward. I think, in my case, it's more productive to try to solve problems with support from others rather than trying to reason with my ex.