BPDFamily.com

So the story gets stranger. After meeting my BPDx's BFF for lunch (she is my BFF also, I met my BPDx through her) she texts me last night thanking me for lunch and today she texts me to see if I was interested in meeting/dating her friend who is BEAUTIFUL. Like a 10. My BPDx was a 9. I thought it was a trap at first but then said what the heck, it has been 6+ months, I'm ready to give dating a shot.  The BFF then tells me it is time for me to start dating again.   She has not said one word about my ex in over a year. She harbors some resentment over my BPDx but they are still friends and for all I know talk often. I don't ask.

On the one hand I am excited to meet this new girl, on the other hand it brings so much closure that I was not ready for i.e. if her BFF thinks it's time for me to date that must mean she knows my BPDx is over it and has moved on which makes me feel so stupid for obsessing over her during the past 6+ months of NC.

I feel almost forced into moving on.  This is a good thing as I have had some time to heal. But it feels so unfamiliar to me.  And I also fear that if things don't work out with this new girl then I will be back to pining for my ex. UGHHHHH.

Anyways I texted the new girl, she was nice and we are supposed to get together next week.

So are you anxious about getting back out there?  Is there a reason you are concerned about the new girl?  Do you not feel ready to date again?

I only ask because, on its face, it seems like you're BFF is being a good friend and is trying to help.  Plus, you get to meet someone new and at least make a friend.  I'm sure you'll approach this r/s with caution because of your ex, anyone would.  But, who knows, maybe you're on the cusp of finding 'the one'. 

I say give it a shot (if you're ready) and see how it goes.

I say go for it, tho I totally get the emotional pulls you're feeling. I've felt those too while going on a few dates.

But here's the thing. Our BPDs are mentally ill and even if we got back together with them it most likely will lead to more heartache. We need to move forward and find people who aren't suffering from a mental illness.

Meet up with this girl. Have fun with her. Get back to living. That's what I keep telling myself to do.

10s are great!

Yeah it's interesting, I guess today made me realize the real reason I may be anxious about getting out there: fear of letting go of my BPDx. WOW. I just said it. And I know that is the real reason. Who knows what happens with this new girl, that's not the point at all. 

Get back to living. Yes that is what I would love to do. Thank you.

I know exactly how you feel. It's not easy.

But you deserve this opportunity. Go out on a date. If it feels good, go on another. If it doesn't then hey, at least you put yourself out there and you can learn from the experience.

... .me, too, I want to date but I want to date someone who DOESN'T know my ex, so we still have "a chance" -- gross, she's affecting my sex life from beyond the relationship's grave! Well, actually, she's not, my yearnings are.