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Title: New to this whole BPD thing- Post by: justaguy67 on January 30, 2016, 05:41:15 PM I've been in a relationship with a BPD person for ten years now, married to her for 9. And just filed for divorce a few days ago. We have two children, an 8 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. I've known something wasn't "right" in her head for a long time now, but wasn't able to decipher what it was. Around a year ago my sister finally zeroed in on it when she asked me to look into BPD. It was like a giant light came on, and all became clear. I've been studying this disorder ever since, along with members of my family. My ex is following almost exactly the behavior outlined in numerous books I've read. Lying about abuse, etc... . She was even granted a restraining order against me for a few days, until the judge decided it was unfounded. Yesterday we had a hearing in family court where we were granted temporary 50/50 custody until mediation and court. I'm scared to death to even have her with 50% custody. After the kids are with her even for a couple days, they return to me acting like different kids. yelling, hitting, etc. About the time I get them back to "normal", they have to go back to her, and the cycle repeats. At least when we were together I was a constant mediator and "cushion" between her and the kids. They no longer have that when they're with her. My goal is to get 100% custody of both kids- Though I'm not sure how possible that is.
Please bear with me as this "newbie" finds his way around this site- I hope I'll be able to contribute something, share some of my experiences, and make some new friends. - Title: Re: New to this whole BPD thing- Post by: livednlearned on January 30, 2016, 06:00:24 PM Hi justaguy67,
Welcome and hello! We have a lot of collective wisdom, and are happy to have you add yours to the mix as well as benefit from what others have learned. Have you read Bill Eddy's book "Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing a BPD/NPD Spouse"? Lots of good advice there, including what to expect in family law court. That's great you were able to have the PO dismissed. Does your lawyer seem to understand what you're dealing with? Temporary orders have a tendency to become permanent, although that happened in my case and even so I eventually worked my way to sole custody. In part because my ex could not follow court orders and could not stop focus on doing what's best for our son. Eventually all of my ex's behaviors were trotted in front of a judge, and even though it was expensive and ex was given second and third chances, I managed to get my son to safe ground. It is possible. It's a good idea to read everything you can about parental alienation because it tends to go hand in hand with BPD divorces. Dr. Craig Childress is a good place to start. Divorce Poison is also good by Richard Warshak. We have some good lessons on the Coparenting Board: Lesson 5 on Raising Emotionally Resilient Children (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=182254.msg1331459#msg1331459) and Lesson 6 on Parental Alienation (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=182254.msg1331467#msg1331467). Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. You're not alone. LnL |