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Hi, my undiagnosed BPD daughter has been using the grandchildren to lie for her. I found out that my daughter has gone on a trip with her new boyfriend and told the man she was living with that she was staying at a friends house. When she returned from this trip, she picked the kids up, and had the kids tell him about how much fun they had with mom(my daughter) spending the night at the friends house. My 6 year old granddaughter just a couple weeks ago tried to harm herself and her mother with a pair of scissors, she ended up spending the night under observation in the hospital. They have decided she is suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. she is on anti-anxiety pills And is reacting badly to some situations like cleaning her room and has a tendency to fly off the handle and cry and rage. She is going to therapy so hopefully she can get a handle on it and I try to take the granddaughters whenever I can. My daughter also had the ex boyfriend turned in for child abuse at the local police department, he says that it isn't true, and now I'm wondering if part of the problem with my granddaughter is that this never happened and my daughter had him turned in and my 6 year old granddaughter lie. This is very upsetting, I thought I had a pretty good handle on this but now I think I need to talk to my granddaughter's social service worker, or should I wait. I'm very confused.  Thanks for listening.

 

I think you should talk to your daughter´s social worker, it´s obvious that your granddaughter is very confused and troubled by her mother´s actions and is expressing her pain through more pain.

Even though she´s only six at this age childrens have the ability to know what´s right or wrong to certain point and have a moral, if she has been under the circumstances of having to lie, to not " betray " her mother this can be very damaging to herself and very confusing. Guilt , in my experience is the most present feeling you experience when having a relationship with a borderline ( my mother is borderline) you feel guilty for not doing the right thing( enabling her ) even if it goes against your moral and she will make sure you feel guilty too for betraying her, for adult childrens of borderline parents this is one of the hardest to overcome , just imagine how confusing it must be for a 6 years old.

Hello penny52

I also agree you think about speaking with your grand daughter's social worker. You say your daughter is uBPD, your diagnosis? I'd open the conversation with your view, which you have clearly set out in your post. Be open, honest and brave.

WDx

Hi, I did it this morning, I actually called the mental health center where my granddaughter is having therapy and left a message for her doctor, I haven't heard from my daughter all day. I just wish the poor kids didn't have to feel all of this pain, thanks for the answers, it nice to know someone else is listening.