BPDFamily.com

So after thinking about what to do I made a decision and am asking for sole custody with ex having time on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 3:30-7 and every other Saturday 8am-5pm. I put in the proposed parenting plan that we can consider overnights when he has had a job and stable housing for 6 months. I took the advice given here and left myself entire weekends atleast every other week, eventually I will leave my second job and I will have weekends free. I have to send it to his sister's house since that is his address on file. I don't even know if he is speaking with his sister lately. The one good thing I realized is that since he hasn't had a phone in a month and no computer I won't have to put up with him harassing me like when we first went to court. Hopefully he doesn't get a phone somehow. Now I am a little nervous about how he will react to getting papers. The beginning of January I told him I wanted to file and he again asked if I would give him until the end of the month to get a job. I told him I had heard that every month since August when we made the temp order. Now I have given him what he asked for and still no job or stable housing, so here goes.

So he'll be served by mail, rather than in person... .less triggering and shameful for sure. Have you alerted him?

Can he contest 'service'?  That is, can he say he didn't get the notification?  I recall when I had to send notices for landlord court I always sent one letter by regular mail (often with USPS Certificate of Mailing) and another by certified mail.  Yes, we had people who refused to pick up certified notices and then wanted to reset the clock back to the start.

In some places, if delivery might be contested, service has to be made by a 'server' or deputy who was recognized as a professional in court.

Our case is open as we only did temp orders in September. I don't have to have him served, just mail it to him. His last address on court record is at his sister's house 2 hours away. He obviously isn't there but I have to mail it to address on record. I didn't want to hand it to him as the only time I see him is when he picks up our daughter. I don't want him to get dysregulated with her. No I haven't tipped him off. I spoke to him right after Christmas and told him that I was concerned that he couldn't provide for our daughter when she was with him. In August I told him I would give him 90 days to get a job before I would file for final orders. He has begged and pleaded and made excuses at the end of every month since then. So after Christmas he again said just give him to the end of January. Well I did and nothing has changed. I mean the man hasn't worked a day since October 31 2013. I found out I was pregnant the week after. I am done being nice. If he doesn't make a move to be a responsible parent then I can accept that, but no more babying him.

I did take this weekend off. I haven't had a day off since December 29th. Ya seriously. I told ex that I got the weekend off and that I would like to swap some time with him. Asked him if he would forego his time on Saturday and he could have some more time during the week. He actually turned me down. Said he would give up his Saturday time and since I already have childcare covered during the week he would just see her next week. No complaining here.

So this is how screwed up our courts are. Apparently our judge entered our agreed upon temporary modification we did in September as a Final Order, not a temp. So now I had to pay to reopen our case and I have to get him served by sheriff instead of just mailing it. More effin money I have to pay. And I have to first pay to get him served at his address on file which is 2 hours away. I know he is here in my town. He was never at his sister's but that's the address he put down. So I fist have to have a sheriff try to serve there and when it comes back not serviceable then I can get him served here. So $250 to reopen, $120 for the first sheriff service, then more money for the next one. The good news is is that I have sole residential as Final Orders already, not just temp orders. So now it's just about going after child support. Our order states that he can have time during my "working evening hours Thursday, Friday, and Saturday". Well now I don't have Saturday evening hours at work. So really all he is entitled to is Thursday and Friday evenings. And once he is served court will be in a month.