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Title: Applied my boundaries to others without even thinking about it Post by: formflier on February 04, 2016, 04:33:03 PM So, my boundary enforcement about being around mad people that are cussing, upset or whatever kicked in today. It's actually got me wondering if it is a bit too automatic. Ugg, I did boundary enforcement on my Mom, egads. OK, so piano lessons got switched at my wife's request to today. My parents take D10 to those lessons. My parents show up today at the time they had arranged and no wife and no D10 are here. The ran off for a fun "quick trip" to the mall. Given the history of sabotage, my mind goes in that direction. I call my wife and my first impression (and my impression now) is that it was an oversight. She said she would take D10 straight to lesson but needed an address. So, I'm trying to ask my Mom and Dad for the address. I asked calmly a couple times but it was obvious Mom was pissed (and she should have been), so I was getting no real information. Here comes the boundary part. My Mom starts cussing. (probably can count on 1 maybe 2 hands the number of times I have heard this in my life). She is not cussing really at me, but it's obvious I will not get information. Well, I sort of was on autopilot and walked away and went in the house and left my Mom out by her car with my Dad. She was cussing and saying whatever she was saying. So, I'm still scratching my head about this. Is this a good thing? I think it is. But I wonder if possibly I need to be a bit more discerning. My guess is that somewhere in my circuitry in my head I sensed a mad person or perhaps it is for a mad woman and went into walk away mode. Thoughts? FF oh and We got the address and I think the lesson got made just in time. Title: Re: Applied my boundaries to others without even thinking about it Post by: Ceruleanblue on February 04, 2016, 06:32:02 PM Yeah, I think you went on autopilot, and just did what you do with your wife. Even though you know your Mom rarely cusses, and clearly was justified to be upset.
I think as time goes by, you'll learn to judge the difference between the two. Some people, and most likely your Mom is one of them, who will quickly calm down, whereas with your wife, walking away is wisest. I'm sure your Mom isn't angry at you for walking off. I'm sure she is aware of the "why" behind it? Title: Re: Applied my boundaries to others without even thinking about it Post by: waverider on February 05, 2016, 07:11:24 AM Life is easier if these things are on autopilot. It may make you seem oversensitive when it comes from someone who could hardly be called a serial problem. Maybe in these cases you can explain it afterwards and most likely they will be Ok with it.
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