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My BPD partner has been in a bad way for some weeks and I am trying really hard to not get drawn in to anything that will be destructive.  She is desperately trying to make me react to her and pushing and pushing against all of my boundaries.  This has not happened for a very long time so it is hard that it has come back with a vengeance.  She becomes really, really nasty and in the end I have to withdraw. 

I come here for some strength when it gets really tough.  My commitment to all the things I try to do to live with this is pushed and pushed.  She screams at me really loudly so that the neighbours can hear; she makes nasty comments about things in my life that have caused me pain; she makes derogatory comments abut my physical appearance; she makes nasty comments about my parents who are booth no longer with us;  she makes derogatory comments about everything and anything that she hopes will hurt me.  If I end up in tears she then stops - I guess that is her goal.  This time I have walked way instead and she has not stopped ringing me.  Any guidance would be much appreciated.

You said this has been going on with this intensity for weeks. That's a lot to try and stand up against if you aren't getting some time away and self care in.

Can you pinpoint what set her off? What happened?

This is a terrible thing to go through.  I have been through this type of behavior.  I wonder why my spouse tries to punish me many times over for any perceived or real slight, insult on my part.  I am so sorry you are up against this.   


So glad that you did.  It takes much courage not to make things worse in these times. 


Congratulations on leaving the situation.  I have had success with detaching by walking the dog.  I will excuse myself and say be back in ---- minutes going to walk the dog.  Or going to grocery shop, work in the yard, etc.  sometimes small breaks interrupt the cycle.  Talking it out, defending myself does not work.  Leaving for a break sometimes does.

I have not mastered this myself, but I am trying, too.  I hope the hurtful comments stop soon.  It is not about you - it is about how they feel inside.  You don't have to stand and take it.  Take care. 

My defense for the disparagement you describe was to stop taking it personally. Your wife is reacting like a 3-year-old and having temper tantrums with you as the target. If it was an actual 3-year-old saying these things would you take it seriously?

This website does a great job at explaining what is going on with these power plays and how you can participate to stop or at least significantly tone down the attacks. It has worked for me on the occasions I've tried it.

www.nicolamethodforhighconflict.com/ (http://www.nicolamethodforhighconflict.com/)