BPDFamily.com

I actually posted this as a reply to my own thread in another board but I'm going to make a new thread because I can't get my head around what has just happened.

After one month and a week of my ex-friend refusing to speak to me, he contacts me today after I sent him an email saying I was considering reporting him for emotional blackmail.

Firstly it resulted in an argument, where he was blaming me for everything, etc. and then he told me to ''F*** off and die you worthless b****" so I put the phone down on him.

I calmly sent him a text and told him that if he was willing to talk sensibly, calmly, then I'd talk to him.

He phoned again and we had a better chat. He even said he was prepared to give me a second chance and about us meeting up again. He then sounded really happy and said "Can this really be happening? Are we really getting back together?"

We tried to Skype but his computer wasn't working properly so we had another brief phone chat. He sounded dopey on the phone and seemed eager to get away, saying he needed to 'chat another time'.

He then, 25 minutes later, sends me a text saying that I needed to ignore what happened today, he WASNT prepared to give me another chance and he shouldn't have contacted me. This has left me both confused and angry.

Can you make sense of this behaviour? I certainly can't  I'm wondering if he was just terrified I was going to report him so the only reason he contacted me was to sweeten me up so I didn't report him. But why go to this effort? Why offer the chance of us meeting up again?

Can you explain what you mean by "report"? To whom?

I suppose I didn't actually mean it, I guess I was just provoking a reaction and I was angry at the time. But I think emotional blackmail can be filed under emotional abuse, which is actually against the law (at least in the UK anyway).

It's hard to say if that motivated him getting in touch with you. i don't know... .is this really a credible threat? In the U.S. it's not.

But I think you need to take him at his word if he says he does not want to be in contact. That's really a bitter pill to swallow--I know. The ups and downs in this uncertain zone are really stressful. I know. I had that cat-and-mouse interaction going on for a few months. I lost 15 lbs.

Also, as to why he would do this--warm up to you, pretend to want to skype, then want to get away--I have no idea. I experienced something like this myself (minus the emotional blackmail bit!), and I have no way of knowing what was in his head. It's so hard to let that go--stop working on that puzzle--but I might have done more damage to myself trying to figure him out than he did by teasing me with a meeting.

Just to expand on that. For myself: I made a connection at the time that was happening to my interactions with my mother (as a kid, mostly). She's very opaque and doesn't display much emotion, and she did a lot of crappy things to me when I was a kid. The result for me was that I spent ENORMOUS emotional resources imagining an emotional world that I could assign to her--ways to make her actions concordant with those of a caring mother. It was a necessary defense as a kid, because it was essential that I believe she loved me. But it's not so useful in adult relationships, sometimes.

I hope that makes some sense.

I mean, maybe ask yourself: "oes this remind me of anything?"

My first thought as I read your account was, ":)oes he drink or do drugs?" That sounds like drunk texting where you contact and old flame while your defenses are down and once you sober up, regret it and try to undo it.

Mine did that for awhile too... .Push/pull maybe? Wanting to be with me but knowing too much had happened to make it work... .that's what he said. Wanting to spend time with other people ... .That's what mine was doing. Hard to know. I can't tell what they think- I know what I think and it's not right. Not right to treat someone like this... .

He doesn't drink or do drugs but he's currently in a psychiatric hospital so he will be on quite a lot of medication.

If he is in a psychiatric hospital, there could be a lot of explanations. It could be the medication messing with him. It could be part of a psychotic break. Or it could be something else. When a person is in a psych hospital, there is a reason and nothing they say should be taken seriously. I have a sibling that has been in and out of the psych hospital. Over time, we all learned to not even waste our time or energy trying to figure her out. A lot of times, she wouldn't remember some of the stuff that she said or did once she was stabilized and on the right cocktail of medicines.

someone who lives with psychosis(BPD) doesn't need to be drunk or under the influence of medications or drugs to behave erratically or in a weird ways. you can't relate or figure out their impulsiveness, my ex in one moment she would declare her undying love for me and the next minute she would tell me that i am an animal. stay NO CONTACT! for your own sake...

Probably. On our last phone call he seemed really dopey and told me he felt really unwell/dizzy and needed to get away. Next thing, I get the text telling me to go away basically.