BPDFamily.com

I am trying to investigate very general the impacts on any child when their mother is presenting new material for initiating a rs without sementing the rs and instead wait on introduce their partners when rs related  things are more secured, avoiding the  frequent introduction towards kids.

I know children are bonding , fast? to new subjects, wonder how this is related to bonding in adult life Do you know?

Are you speaking of your mother having introduced her romantic partners to you  in the past when you were a child and how it may have influenced your choices as an adult?

My intuition says that if a child gets introduced to new parent subjects frequently, it learns that parents  cannot be trusted since they disappear, so they might transfer this knowledge to partner subjects in adult life. Not sure.

My parents divorced when I was 7.  My father is NPD and would date very submissive women that tended to have very low self esteem, no job, and multiple children.  I think he likes women in his life to feel and be powerless (he has a history of domestic violence).  My Mom has dependent PD traits and self esteem issues.  Between my two parents, I have probably been a member of approximately 12 Pseudo families.  As a kid there was always a lot of pressure to immediately assimilate to the new partner's preferences.  If I or my siblings asked for attention or complained or raised any fuss we were punished.  I don't think the children's needs were considered or thought to be important to my parents.

My Mom remarried when I was in high school.  Her husband was not "mean" but he was resentful of any time or attention she would give to her kids.  So during all my highschool years I only once spent 2.5 hours alone with my Mom.  My Mom told me that to this day, she doesn't call people because her husband gets upset and is critical of the time she spends on the phone.  Next week they will be in my town but my Mom said her husband told her to not tell me.   They are not going to stop and visit "because he doesn't want to spend all his time at my house."

All these pseudo relationship families made me feel insecure.  It showed that relationships don't last.  It was emotionally trying because I was expected to immediately accept and "bond" to the new romantic partner and their kids but also to immediately let go when the relationship ended.

I don't feel like I have a "real" family of origin.  This has made me determined to provide that for my own children.  I have been married for 16 years to my college sweet heart.  We have 3 children together.  It is amazing the lack of drama there is when it is only a Mom and Dad who love each other raising their own kids.  I make a concentrated effort to have one on one time with all my children.  I try to model loving and nurturing behavior to my extended family.  I am doing everything in my power to not repeat what I went through since I know how miserable it can be.

I also have talked to my husband multiple times that if I die while my kids are still dependents to please not involve our children in dating relationships.  My preference would be he would wait to remarry until they are out of the house.  I even have a life insurance policy out on myself with the understanding he could "hire" help with the kids instead of "marry" help.