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My BPDw of 20 years initiated seperation proceedings shortly after walking out on me three years ago. Where I live, a couple need to be seperated for four years before beginning the divorce process. The last three years have seen horrendous amounts of harassment directed towards me. Quite apart from the character assassination (very effective in a small town) I have received countless texts and - prior to NC - phonecalls where she is obviously looking for an argument. Apart from texts relating to our children, I ignored all the others. Just after Xmas she sent me a text warning that 2016 would be the year that I get 'karma'd' All texts ceased as of January 1. She turned to the law. I have since been in court (increase in maintenance), have been summonsed to another court date for the same in April, am about to be audited, have just received a letter from my mortgage holder requesting a meeting, have had a preliminary contact with the Department of Social Welfare and am now wondering what next. Will this harassment ever end? During our time together I was aware of her 'spotlight of hatred' that she would direct upon friends or neighbours. It was intense but never lasted for more than three or four months. Have I become her permanent focus point?

Hi warhar,

I'm sorry you have to go through all this.

I haven't been married with my exBPDgf, nor have I been in such a long relationship with her. However, I have two most important common points with you: first, my ex is a pwBPD and second, I was a victim of constant harassment when I decided to walk away.

Because of my initiative to break up and NC she threatened me in similar ways. She told me: "As long as I live I'll make sure to ruin your life and career." She would send me messages, call me, from 8-9 a.m. to midnight and over every single day incessantly. It was driving me nuts.

So, what I did, I simply broke NC and tried to stay composed. I wrote a message to her by telling her to try to focus on constructive things in her life. I told her how intelligent she was (and she truly is) and that it was a pity to see her wasting her intelligence on harassing me. So I said if she continued and if she didn't stop by herslef that I would be forced to go to the police to make her stop, although I didn't wish that.

Unfortunately, she didn't believe me and I went to the police. I didn't file a complaint, but I simply asked them to make her understand that if she continued that she risked to have legal troubles and that I might file a complaint.

Luckily for me, and especially for her (because I truly loved her and didn't want her any legal troubles) after the police contacted her, she stopped harassing me. She still time after time sends a message, but she seems to understand the difference between harassing with messages and staying LC.

If my experience helps, use it but of course don't forget to take into account the context of your experience with your exBPDw.

In any case, specialists in BPD advise to maintain NC and not to read any of your BPD messages. If possible, forward her messages addressed to you to your lawyer to whom you'll explain the situation beforehand of course.

You have to protect yourself emotionally and legally, because pwBPD when having their emotional crisis are impossible to reason. All the psyhologists agree, it's like trying to reason a 2-year-old.