BPDFamily.com

When exBPDgf was "thinking about breaking up with me" (a weekly thing), she was always so calm and collected. Underneath, not so -- I found this out after I tried to remain friends with her and the minimal contact (text/email) led to intense dysregulation.

Anyway, it seems to me now, that what she was doing was to become the "abandoner" -- in other words, re-enacting an abandonment that had happened to her (or all of them rolled into one) and instead of being the abondonee, being the abandoner -- this would make her feel powerful and of course it's always fun to punish someone who's hurt us. In this case, the person or people she was punishing was (in her mind) people from her past but of course I perceived it as being directed at me.

The emotional distance was so large that it seemed more like a narcissistic thing than a BPD thing, but she's definitely BPD (morbid jealousy, wildy gyrating affect, etc. etc.)

Anyway now it seems like she just wanted to hurt someone b/c she'd been hurt and it was all subconscious but I was the unwitting substitute.

Has anyone else experience this?

Yes.  My exBPD discarded me due to his intense fear of abandonment.  He went back to a relationship with someone he doesn't get along with because he says he can't bear the thought of losing him.

He also said he couldn't stand the thought of losing me either and wanted a three way relationship.  I told him no and he had a huge intense break down for several hours and then never spoke to me again.

lucky you