|
Title: (live) Tried to tell her she's BPD just now, worst decision ever. Post by: maddlove on February 21, 2016, 08:01:04 PM [Before the breakup]
She (my pwBPD fiance) made my life a living hell, I hate facebook and everything it stands for and she never respected that, she always posted an ugly picture of me (that I deemed ugly) and we conflicted a lot over it. We broke up because she had a BPD episode about going to a funeral with a really short pink shorts, she blew up on everyone and I thought I had to end it and I did. Got back together on the condition she deleted her facebook. [After we got back together] It's been a bliss without facebook. But I can't control her life. It's unfair to her. So tonight I told her it's okay to have facebook but we have to set some boundaries, I don't want her posting pictures of me in there. She had another BPD episode, asking if it's because of I don't want to be seen with her or to show other girls that I'm with her or other irrational bullcrap. Then I tried to explain to her what BPD is, even played a video describing exactly the things she does. "Stop it, please" she said. "I'm good, I don't even need a therapist anymore" (It's been 2 months that she doesn't go to the therapist) I made the mistake of expressing my feelings. "It's just that there are some things that makes me unhappy, such as being unjustly accused of something" She had a BPD rage and started asking over and over what else about her makes me unhappy. I removed myself from the room, she followed. I dressed up and went outside, she followed. Asked if I called my mother. Now she kept following me asking what else makes me unhappy, baiting me by putting words on my mouth (like she does). I defended a little. But said I reserve the right to not go through something like this. So I removed myself from the room a couple more times before she finally let me be. She's laying in bed right now. I can almost see the turmoil of feelings she's in. I want nothing than to go in there and soothe her, but that would take HOURS, and hours I don't want to spend soothing her own irrationality. EDIT: It's late here 11:10 PM, I need to wake up 5AM, pretty sure she's still awake, not sure if I'll be able to sleep. EDIT2: Not even sure if I wanna sleep in my bed. Sometimes I'm irrationally scared she'll do something to do. Even though I have no reason to believe that's the case. Title: Re: (live) Tried to tell her she's BPD just now, worst decision ever. Post by: maddlove on February 21, 2016, 08:41:20 PM I can't edit my post for some reason!
But here's the update. 11:38 PM, she got up got the laptop came in here and asked me to insert the password so she could use it. I did. I treated her normally. I don't feel guilt anymore, I kind of feel free from the pain I use to feel whenever we entered conflict mode. Title: Re: (live) Tried to tell her she's BPD just now, worst decision ever. Post by: maddlove on February 22, 2016, 06:28:05 AM Updating the situation.
At almost midnight I came in the bedroom she was sitting on the bed using the laptop. I asked, "Are you calm now?". "Yes" she replied. We went to sleep and that was the end of it. At one point I feel good that I handled the situation better than I would've before. Instead of JADEing I held my ground and decided not to. Title: Re: (live) Tried to tell her she's BPD just now, worst decision ever. Post by: waverider on February 22, 2016, 06:39:11 AM You only get a limited time to edit post then facility is removed. Fine to add follow up post as you did.
Her response is typical PERSPECTIVES: Telling someone that you think they have BPD (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=76633.0) Not getting drawn in and sticking to your limits seems to have worked. Do this regularly, it gives you confidence and sets new precedents |