BPDFamily.com

Been out of this relationship for over a year. Past couple of weeks she contacted me (which I wrote about on this board, like here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=289741.0 ). The contact went on through mail, and after that through a text app. I kept the contact pretty low key but to be honest, she knows when to get to me (as in, friday and saturday nights when Ive been out with mates and come back home drunk). She knows that she will have the most chance of me replying then.

Anyway, last year when we were already broken up for half a year, and I was still healing and getting my life back together, I noticed some strange stuff on my Instagram account. Some of my selfies had the hastag #ugly, and sometimes I lost some female friends in my friends list. Also, out of the blue, I started following my ex her instagram account. I thought maybe that I had clicked on the follow button on her account by accident or something. I changed my password and thought nothing more of it.

Now that the past couple of weeks there was some contact again, I thought about the situation and I straight out asked if she logged in my instagram account. And she just admitted it, yes, she logged in the account. Now when she said it I was shocked but continued the conversation, as I was pretty drunk and laid back that night, but the other day when waking up I realised the gravity of it.

No sane person does stuff like this. Taking over my social media, what not. As far as I'm concerned, this is proof for me that she indeed has a mental illness/BPD or something of the sort. I got pretty angry the following night when she started talking again, and it resulted in cutting contact, thankfully.

Let this be a lesson for all. They really are so low to hack into your personal stuff and do ANYTHING to get satisfaction or to revert your attention back to hem. And it resulted in me getting pretty paranoid about stuff. I mean, since saturday night this woman is following me on facebook. It isnt a bot, because bots send a friend request. But this woman is just following me and liking some photos. The situation with instagram has made me paranoid in the sense that I suspect its just her, finding a way to still follow me after I blocked her account right after the relationship was over.

I've learned that they are capable of anything, no matter how much you want to believe that they won't step that low. Beware.

I sympathise with you Close to Freedom and agree that that sort of behaviour is disordered.

I'm a technoklutz, don't have Instagram or Twitter, the only social media I have is Facebook and Linked In. Ex remains a contact on Linked In because I don't really use it. But I blocked him on FB several months ago.

Can you explain how she can be following you and liking your stuff if she is blocked? I'm beginning to get worried, I thought I was safe. Has she hacked your FB account and liking stuff from within your account or are there other means to do this external to your account?

Thanks.

Im not saying she IS doing it, just that her admitting she tinkered with my Instagram has made me more wary.

The way she in theory would be able to still follow me on facebook, is by making a new facebook account and pressing the follow button on my fb-account. You can do two things with people on fb: befriend them, or follow them.

Of course, you are able to delete followers or report them. But I first want to see if I can find out if its really her. Also, so long as you have all your fb-posts on private/only for friends, you have nothing to worry about.

Thanks for that, much appreciated - a sigh of relief here... .

On Facebook, you can also have your settings set in such a way that only people who have "friended" you can see what you post.  That would keep random people who follow you from seeing what you do.

During the last year or two with my ex, he was not just stalking me by following me physically, he was stalking me on my FB, trying to add friends of mine that he didn't know personally (gym friends, former students, etc.) and when we were separated, using FB Messenger to communicate with me instead of texting in order to use the location feature (when I realized that, I turned off my GPS).  Very creepy.  As soon as we separated for good after a 3 month therapeutic separation, I blocked and deleted him from my FB, changed all of my passwords to email and FB and even got a new SIM card for my phone as I suspected electronic stalking after he knew information that I had only texted a trusted person with.  It was bad enough seeing his vehicle in places I knew he was only there to stalk me, but I needed to know I was electronically safe too.

Sounds very scary. I dont think she's doing that to me though, thank god. As far as I know its only virtual stalking.

if you have been out of this relationship for a year and you say that" she indeed has a mental illness/BPD or something of this sort"; if so why do you still have some sort of contact/conversation with her?

You are, without a doubt, absolutely right. We've been on NC for months on end, but she started contacting me again a few weeks ago and it just went from there. My own fault for replying back. I instantly felt the fleas coming back and theyre gnawing away at me the past few weeks. So yes, staying NC is very important for your process, even if you feel that you're completely over it. It can set you back.