BPDFamily.com

Hi, guys !

My SO of 3 years with BPD has been very stressed out lately and not talking with me.

Background here:

He has learnt coping skills by getting long-term therapy years ago. Most of his symptoms are handled well.

He is not suicidal anymore, he has never got violent by a trigger since he started the therapy. He finds difficult to keep balanced emotionally, but he is doing a great job. He is a good worker,

his workmates and boss love him. He spends lots of time on exercising to manage negative feelings. He is pursuing a bright future.

However, he has a recurring personal issue, which pressures and

stresses him a lot. This problem, his trigger, happens once or twice a year and it pressures him a lot... I don't want to write details on it as it's HIS personal thing. Anyway he can't get rid of an underlying cause of this problem as it's out of his control.

He NEVER gives me silent treatment for our arguments.

However, when he's extremely pressured by his stuff, he goes quiet. """While He checks out his SNS, he nearly answers me, which is the point where I really can't understand and get hurt by the most."""

Short answers or no answers at all for a couple of days.

He just says I'm OK, I'll fill you in soon. Chat you later.

After he sorts out a problem, finally he's back to me and fills me in.

During his hard time, I go through as well bc I don't know

if he's angry at me or he is just stressed.

It doesn't happen often. Just a couple of times a year.

What should I do? How does he feel and what does he think during this time? What makes him not want to talk with me for a little while? Does he ignore my contact bc he is OK with me leaving him? Or He is just not that into me?

Is it a BPD symptom? or is it his personality?

I'd love to understand him and learn how to deal with him when he goes quiet. Please give me any advice.

Usual my response to his is "Are you OK? I'm really worried if you are fine. What's going on? Please let me know... " texts and calls.

Is it bad response?  Thanks for reading :)

Whatever it is he compartmentalizes it as his personal private business, and you inquiring probably feels like an intrusion. It probably is all consuming so if you try to engage about something else he sees it as a distraction.

It is probably best just to acknowledge that you can see he is stressed, then give him his space and let him know you are available if and when he wants to take about it or do something else.

The more you try to climb on the stage with him the more likely you are to get evicted from the theater.