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In a nutshell, my wife and I do not live together because of conflicts between her and the kids.  She lives in an apartment about 15 minute drive from my house. However, we still have a relationship. Today she got upset and is talking about moving home with her mom. However, she wants me to talk with her on the phone. I've been very slow with my responses because I am taking care of myself and I'm trying not to get caught up in her drama. The last time I spoke with her she said that she is playing a game. Whenever I don't respond to her text messages or phone calls she cuts herself. She has a history of self harm, suicidal threats, and drug overdoses. She's been in the hospital twice for drug overdoses. If she was threatening to kill herself because I wouldn't talk to her, I would know what to do. I would call 9-1-1. However, I wonder if I should call in this case where she is cutting herself

Hi JH68,

Here in the UK we can ask the police to undertake something called a Welfare Check. This is  where if someone is alone and vulnerable and needs to be checked and assessed as to whether they are ok to be on their own or not the police can intervene.

When my dBPDh was at this most unwell I instigated many Welfare Checks, the police were very good indeed. I made it clear when I called that my h had mental health issues and had a past history of serious self-harm and overdoses.

Do the police where you live do something similar? If you don't know, I suggest phoning your non-emergency police number and asking.

I think if you suspect that your w is self harming that it is a good idea to have someone check on her. It's best not to just leave it given her history.

Are your children living with you or your w? I'm just wondering because if they are with your w there maybe CPS implications from her behaviour. This shouldn't stop you, but if they are with their mother it is worth remembering and being clear about anything you do in relation to the well-being of your children.

Let us know how things are and take care of yourself as well, this must be a difficult situation to be in.

Thanks for the terrific advice Sweetheart. The police do welfare checks here where I live. When I've called in a suicide threat here, a fire truck, ambulance, and a couple police cars showed up. This response is extreme for the cutting my wife does. The cuts are little more that scratches. However, a welfare check would be the perfect level of response. The threat of cutting is really about forcing me to answer the phone or text messages. I don't like "rewarding" her manipulative behavior. I don't like ignoring it either. The next time something like this happens I will definitely request a welfare check.

The kids live with me. My wife is their step mom. So, there is no concern with CPS.

It's hard to take care of myself when things like this happen but a big part of my self care is having a plan for involving other people to intervene so I can step back and maintain a healthy level of detachment. The welfare check will be part of that plan.

That sounds like a really great plan, taking a step back like you are. Good for you. I'm pleased to hear you can get a Welfare Check done for your wife as well.

Let us know how things continue for you and your family.

Oh wow, that's rough   I feel for you here.  My wife was once a cutter (before I met her), and I suspect much of her cutting may have been manipulative like you describe.  Her whole right arm from shoulder to elbow is mangled from her cutting.  She no longer cuts, but she still will hit herself, and binge one food and then force herself to puke.  As distressing as it is, I reserve the emergency calls for times when she is also talking about suicide.  After 3 years with her, I can finally begin to discern when she is just hating herself or wanting attention from times she truly wants to die.  Prior to meeting her, I never knew anyone who self-harmed, and never knew anyone who talked about suicide (even jokingly).

My advice is to detach as much as you can, and if things seem to escalate, then get someone else involved.